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Band 6.5

In the past, many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #society #conflicts #violence #world #women
There are controversial perspectives heating a debate over how male and female
leaders
 impact
society
.
While
 some argue that a wealth of male
leaders
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 brought about
violence
 and conflicts in
society
, others say that the world would be more peaceful if it were under women's control.
While
 the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the latter. ​ On the one hand, male
leaders
 have led to more conflicts and
violence
 in
society
. The explanation for that issue is probably because male
leaders
 are often aggressive and bad-tempered.
Moreover
, they tend to resort to
violence
, and even war to solve the problem.
For example
, Adolf Hitler, a dictator of Germany, established harsh policies, which was the cause of World War 2 because his purpose was to expand Germany’s territory.
Hence
, conflicts and
violence
 in
society
 have been caused by male
leaders
. ​
On the other hand
, female officials are regarded as people who can govern countries in a more peaceful way. The explanation for
this
 could be that they have a tendency to lean
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
soft
Add an article
the soft
show examples
 power of collaboration and no
violence
 when tackling problems.
For example
, Angela Merkel, former chancellor of Germany, made several efforts to mediate the Russia-Ukraine conflict.
Furthermore
, female governors are biased to advocate for far more measures that assist social welfare, women’s issues, children’s issues and national security.
According to
 a study in the American Journal of Political Science, women in Congress sponsor and co-sponsor more bills than men do, and bring 9 percent more federal money to their districts. ​ In conclusion, women in positions of authority are thought to be capable of leading nations in a more peaceful manner, and
society
 has become more violent and divided
as a result
 of male leadership.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion for both views before expressing your opinion, to fully meet the task requirement of discussing to what extent you agree or disagree.
Coherence and Cohesion
Vary sentence structures and use a range of linking words to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively uses examples (Adolf Hitler and Angela Merkel) to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly state your opinion, which strengthens the structural integrity of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • male-dominated leadership
  • empathetic
  • cooperative
  • inclusive society
  • governance
  • diversity
  • sustainable peace
  • social welfare
  • collaborative approach
  • international relations
  • leadership qualities
  • decision-making processes
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