IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people belive that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies . Others claim , that men are just as good as women at parenting

#people #belive #women #parents #men #role #children #societies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Undoubtedly, society thinks that a
mother
Use synonyms
 is a better person when it comes to the parenting process, while some people argue that a
father
Use synonyms
 has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
similar qualities as
Use synonyms
mother
Add an article
a mother
the mother
show examples
 does in taking care of their
kids
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both ideas and explain why I believe working together on raising children should be done by
women
Use synonyms
 and men together. On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that
women
Use synonyms
 are raised to become a
mother
Use synonyms
 who is responsible for their family.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are familiar with certain things that are related to household activities, including growing their children.
In addition
Linking Words
, men are supposed to go to the office for work while
women
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 ordered to stay at home.
As a result
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 have more time with
kids
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which later builds a closer relationship with her son or daughter. I recall a moment when I was a teenager, I always went to my mom whenever I had an obstacle at school because I spent more time with her sharing my problems compared to my dad who worked in the other city.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with the advance of technology where we can access information everywhere, men nowadays tend to do their tasks at home rather than
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 office.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are able to play their role as a
father
Use synonyms
 at home more than those who lived decades ago.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
father
Use synonyms
 can have a high-quality time with his
kids
Use synonyms
 in the morning by doing exercise or sports games together because he does not have to commute to the office. By doing these kinds of activities regularly, man can
also
Linking Words
 create a tight-bond of relationship with his
kids
Use synonyms
, which is considered as good as woman. To sum up, I think debating on who do parenting better is in vain and better to put our focus on raising
kids
Use synonyms
 together. Because
mother
Use synonyms
 and
father
Use synonyms
 should work together and give their best effort on balancing the role of both in order to boost the de the development of growth of a child.
Submitted by diestadhania on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: