Some educationalists think that every child should be taught to play a musical instrument.

5.0 / 9

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Introduction

The idea that each student ought to learn how to play a musical tool is with what I partly agree for some compelling reasons.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, every single pupil should learn various

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

show examples

of musical instruments to play at an early

age

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

is mainly because those children with the ability to play

diverse

Change preposition

with diverse

show examples

equipment can see the world from a different

ankle

Correct your spelling

angle

show examples

in other words

Linking Words

, they are highly likely to cultivate their creativity by means of daily training sessions. Take Beethoven

for example

Linking Words

. At the

age

Use synonyms

Add a comma

, 4

show examples

this

Linking Words

young child’s

first

Linking Words

composition that touched the heart of millions of people across the world could express the feelings and emotions with its meaning albeit without lyrics. If he were not so creative, a new style of music called symphony could never have been composed even till now and

as a result

Linking Words

, music could probably be used just for fun.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

Linking Words

, each student

Change the verb form

does

show examples

not need to study

variety

Add an article

a variety

the variety

show examples

of musical tool to play at an early

age

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

simple

Replace the word

simply

show examples

because children spend a lot of time that learn to play a musical instrument,

furthermore

Linking Words

other the most important subjects have. For

instant

Add an article

an instant

show examples

, they may teach numerous different courses including mental arithmetic and foreign language when at the

age

Use synonyms

. If children do not educate, they will not be

Change the article

show examples

useful

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

in the future. As a consequence, young boys can not have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

useful

Replace the word

use

show examples

to the country.

Conclusion

In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

learning to play musical

tool

Fix the agreement mistake

tools

show examples

can be one of the most perfectly fine

way

Change to a plural noun

ways

show examples

for the cultivation of child’s creativity, I tend to maintain that the youngsters should concentrate fully on other fields which interest them most.

Weallneedit9

Mar 16, 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

5.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

283 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
In some countries, very few young people are willing to do unpaid community services (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sport to younger children). What problems might this cause? What do you think is the best way to solved these problems?
Nowadays, the majority of youngsters are not keen on engaging in volunteer community work. While there are a number of reasons for this, the situation can be improved by improving awareness and encouragement.
6.5
band
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
A large number of people nowadays are eager to consume a considerable amount of food and drink products which are prepared with huge quantities of sugar. In my opinion, the government should set a higher price for those kinds of products to encourage the population to eat and drink healthier.
6.5
band
Some people believe that to become successful at a sport requires a natural ability, others think that hardwork and practice are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There are those who have a view that a significant talent of physical ability is essential for great success in sports, while others believe that considerable practice and training are the keys to higher achievement. While a natural ability helps sports players reach their goals, I strongly believe that practical training and extensive practice are more important to result in success with any sport.
7.5
band
Automated systems can replace labour, do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, automated systems have become incredibly sophisticated, integrating machines into various employment fields. While some worry that this activity can potentially replace human labour, others believe that automation instead complements human abilities. I wholeheartedly agree with the latter opinion, and this essay will explain why.
6
band
Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education for the adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, whether education for the young is vital in nations has sparked much debate. Some people assert that countries should mainly focus on people from a young age, whereas others argue that the government should allocate more money to educating the adult group who do not have the ability to read and write. From my perspective, I strongly believe that money should be spent on helping illiterate adults to learn.

Some educationalists think that every child should be taught to play a musical instrument.

In some countries, very few young people are willing to do unpaid community services (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sport to younger children). What problems might this cause? What do you think is the best way to solved these problems?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that to become successful at a sport requires a natural ability, others think that hardwork and practice are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Automated systems can replace labour, do you agree or disagree?

Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education for the adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?