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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

#employees #work #home #technology #people #benefit #workers #employers
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Due to
 state-of-the-art technologies, remote jobs have become prevalent in recent times. Some may argue
this
 offers many advantages just to clerks rather than employers. I strongly disagree with the statement, and in my opinion, that method is beneficial for both sides. There are several reasons why some may consider the positive aspects of working online only for workers.
To begin
 with, they do not need to pay for commuting to
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
 location
as well as
 no waste of time for any public
transpotaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 or traffic.
Thus
 they tend to earn more than before,
in other words
, making more money and comforting them.
In addition
, remote workers will have a healthier lifestyle. Thanks to the extra time that
such
 job conditions provide, they have enough time for exercise and most likely eat more homemade than convenience foods.
Moreover
, employees working at home will not be monitored as much as they used to at work since there is no manager or supervisor.
Therefore
, there are many advantages for home workers.
However
, these online works are beneficial for job owners as well. In
this
 way, employers do not need to pay for resources
such
 as equipment and a huge office building
while
 they are inevitable for in-person jobs.
As a result
. Skipping these costly steps would increase the income.
For example
, there is no spending on furniture or electricity.
Additionally
, as employees have better communication with their co-workers
due to
 using computers, they perform more efficiently—
this
 increase in performance results in more satisfaction for customers and
consequently
 higher revenue and reputation for companies.
For instance
,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 company that I work in,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
since the sales representatives started working
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online, the company's sales have risen significantly. In my view, as the reasons mentioned, remote working offers vast benefits not only to the workforce but
also
 to companies and I disagree that only employees take advantage of
this
 style of working. In conclusion, despite many arguing that
remotes
Replace the word
remote
show examples
 jobs do not have positive income for employers and only
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
 the staff, I think
this
 is not true. Working through the internet at home has been beneficial for companies' owner and their workforce.
Submitted by alisabagh1853 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. It's important that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that your argument progresses logically from one point to the next. Use a range of cohesive devices to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, providing a supported argument throughout your response. Both views should be discussed if the prompt asks for them, and your own opinion should be clear and consistent throughout the essay. Use specific examples to support your points where relevant.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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