IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation,such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
In society, many
people
 often meet bad
situations
 throughout their
lives
. Some
people
 suggest that it is superior to accept
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terrible circumstances
such
 as
unsatisfactory
Add an article
an unsatisfactory
show examples
 job or
shortage
 of money whilst other opponents believe that seeking a chance to enhance the
conditions
.
People
 have different notions about
this
 issue but I personally prefer the
latter
Correct your spelling
later
show examples
 views. On one side of the agreement, many
people
 think that there are inexplicable facts not to accept the bad
situations
. The main reason for
this
 is that it is a natural occurrence which means that
people’s
lives
 have partly good and partly distressing circumstances as it is not in
people’s
 own hands.
This
 makes some
people
 finer to claim
such
 bad
situations
such
 as unsatisfactory job.
Additionally
, lacking
finances
Replace the word
financial
show examples
conditions
 mostly happen
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 most
people’s
lives
.
This
 is because of the cost-of-living place where
people
 live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and the accessories that they buy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every day.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
this
, some poor families encounter with
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
show examples
 of money and cannot afford for their children to send the schools so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is impossible for them not to accept
such
situations
.
However
, despite these aforementioned views, I firmly hold the opinion that it is finer to improve awful
conditions
 in a better way.
Firstly
,
people
 should put a lot of effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 disappointing
jobs
 by changing the current
conditions
 into
situations
such
 as talking funny to colleagues and thinking of
such
jobs
 in a better way, like boosting their
lives
.
This
 can lead to
people
 being more satisfied with their
jobs
.
Secondly
, some
people
 should reduce buying unnecessary things every day to prevent lowing on funds.
Finally
,
instead
 of claiming
shortage
 of money as a terrible circumstance in poor
people’s
lives
, they should improve their
lives
 by working
jobs
.
In addition
 to
this
, children in
poor
Add an article
the poor
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 should study hard to get scholarships which provide a better situation
such
 as not costing any funds for them in schools
although
 their family cannot afford to send them to schools. Taking everything into account, I believe that improving these bad
conditions
such
 as unsatisfactory
jobs
 and
shortage
 of finances in a better way can impact improvements in
people’s
lives
nevertheless
 there are some
people
 who consider
better
Correct pronoun usage
it better
show examples
 to claim
such
 terrible circumstances.
Submitted by may on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: