nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

Many public schools find that they are inadequately funded by the government and must resort to other ways of raising money. Selling
food
provides a source of revenue as well as a service to
students
but, in my view, the sale of junk
food
and soft drinks or ‘energy’ drinks is a worrying development. Some people would argue that it is merely a matter of choice. They believe
students
can make an informed decision about whether to eat and drink products loaded with calories and excess sugar and that, indeed, there are times when
students
might need an extra energy boost or feel they deserve a sweet treat. Others feel that school
students
do not yet have the maturity to curb the impulse to buy unhealthy
food
and may be subject to peer pressure to do so. There are already too
man
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
opportunities for youngsters to purchase
this
kind of
food
elsewhere, so putting temptation in their way of selling it at school is unacceptable. Those who do not support sales of sugary snacks and beverages say that consumption of these items have adverse long-term effects (diabetes and dental decay,
for example
), and
also
immediate effects on the learning environment. Children are often hyperactive and overexcited after consuming excessive amounts of sugar, making it difficult for them to concentrate on their studies. A local school in my area removed these items from the shop
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and found an immediate improvement in student concentration and behaviour.
Although
it may be less profitable, surely schools could be persuaded to sell more fruit and nourishing snacks in the interests of a healthier population. It is their role to educate young people about the benefits of a wholesome and balanced diet, not to endorse the consumption of unhealthy, calorie-rich, low-nutrition
food
and drinks.
Submitted by aitmimi.hamsa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: