In some countries, the proportion of elderly people will become higher than the proportion of younger people. Will this be a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, not many old people live with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. In my opinion,
this
trend has both benefits and problems.
First
of all, choosing not
living
Change the verb form
to live
show examples
with their children can have some advantages for the elderly. The old and young people often have different ways of living. So,
this
prevents them from regular conflicts.
Moreover
, the young and the old have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
different habits, so living separately brings them
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
to enjoy their life.
However
,
this
trend seems to be more harmful. Living alone without relatives around can be dangerous. When the elderly have some health problems, no one is there to help.
Moreover
, they can feel lonely because they
also
need someone to talk to. When they get old or retired, life can become boring and
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
. They
also
want to have their own children or grandchildren listen to their stories and share
Add an article
the feeling
a feeling
show examples
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
with them. In conclusion, the trend of choosing not to live with their offspring can be both good and bad for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young and old people.
Submitted by nghi.bella.phan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: