IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

5. Some people think the government should ban dangerous sports, while some others think everyone should be free to choose whatever sporting activities he or she likes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #ban #sports #activities
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It is true that some
sports
Use synonyms
 are too dangerous to establish in our
life
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, while some people want the
government
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 to ban those kinds of
sports
Use synonyms
, others think they have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to choose what
sports
Use synonyms
 they like. Supporters of the
first
Linking Words
 viewpoint contend that they should have the freedom to play every sport that they like. In fact, it cannot be denied that each sport has its features
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are neither beneficial nor disadvantageous.
For instance
Linking Words
, the motorbike racing competitors bring exciting feelings to
players
Use synonyms
 that encourage them to win the game.
Hence
Linking Words
, if the
government
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 bans those
sports
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, it may reduce the variety of choices in entertainment activities.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some
players
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 spend a majority of their
life
Use synonyms
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 those competitions that could be the main income.
However
Linking Words
, due to the level of some dangerous
sports
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such
Linking Words
 as motorbike racing, the
government
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 should start
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not allow people to play those
sports
Use synonyms
. The
first
Linking Words
 reason is the negative effect of injuries which may extend to the whole
life
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. If a player got damaged like a broken leg or
brain
Add a hyphen
brain-damaged
show examples
damaged
Replace the word
damage
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 in a match or race, He could become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disabled in his whole
life
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.
In addition
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, the operation might get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fine or imprisonment if any
players
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 have an accident while playing dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
. Some news is reported about the bankruptcy of firms that established those
sports
Use synonyms
 in the past. In my opinion, playing dangerous
sports
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 is
also
Linking Words
 too risky for
players
Use synonyms
 and viewers. The consequences of getting injuries overweigh the interesting feeling while playing those kinds of
sports
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 can bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enjoyable emotion to
players
Use synonyms
 and viewers,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 might cause many negative effects to people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my view, the
government
Use synonyms
 should ban dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 overtime.
Submitted by nghi.bella.phan on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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