IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe work for the same organisation all thier working life. Others think that it is better to work for the different organisations. Duscuss both these views and give your opinion.

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It is often argued that people should work for the same
company
Use synonyms
 throughout their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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, whilst
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 disagree and think it is beneficial to change the workplace. In my opinion, I believe that
although
Linking Words
 working for the same organisation offers more comfort zone,
overall
Linking Words
 changing jobs
are
Change the verb form
is
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 crucial to obtain growth in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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professional
life
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. On the
one
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 hand, employees who are serving for the same
company
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feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
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 more comfortable
in contrast
Linking Words
 to those who like to switch places. It is beneficial in terms of knowing the system and people, which makes the work easier.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to a surge in
productivity
Correct article usage
the productivity
show examples
 of the employees.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are more scopes of getting promoted in the same organisation. Taking Japan, as an example,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of workers stay in
one
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company
Use synonyms
 throughout their professional
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
company
Use synonyms
 offers them a plethora of lifelong benefits.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, working at different companies is more advantageous in
context
Correct article usage
the context
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to
Change preposition
of
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 professional growth. When an employee switches the
company
Use synonyms
 there is a high probability that he will be offered more salary packages and other perks, unlike working in the same
company
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 where workers are sometimes taken
as
Correct word choice
for
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 granted.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can raise their standard of living.
In addition
Linking Words
, working in different companies offers more challenges and experiences which has
a positive outcomes
Correct the article-noun agreement
a positive outcome
positive outcomes
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 on the profile of the candidate. A recent study concluded that Infosys
company
Use synonyms
 which is based in India, has offered a 25% joining bonus to the new candidates who are willing to leave their previous companies.
Therefore
Linking Words
, changing organisations offers a wide range of opportunities. In conclusion, despite the comfort zone
one
Use synonyms
 can get
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 at the same place for whole
life
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. In my opinion, switching jobs has more benefits in terms of
overall
Linking Words
 professional growth.
Thus
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 should consider changing workplace in order to seize more opportunities and experiences in
life
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow smoothly from one to the other. Consider using linking words and phrases to strengthen the connections between your ideas.
task achievement
While your arguments are clear, consider elaborating on your points with more specific examples or data to make them stronger. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
general advice
Make sure to correct spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'thier' should be 'their', 'Duscuss' should be 'Discuss', etc.) as these can detract from the overall impression of your essay.
task achievement
You have presented both views clearly and provided a well-rounded opinion about the topic.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the importance of job change for professional growth and includes relevant examples to support your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career longevity
  • organizational loyalty
  • diverse skillsets
  • career trajectory
  • organizational culture
  • employee retention
  • job market dynamics
  • technological advancements
  • personal growth opportunities
  • job security
  • psychological implications
  • industry changes
  • professional development
  • workplace satisfaction
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