IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
work
Use synonyms
 which is enjoyable is more significant than
work
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 which gives a
lot
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 of
money
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 or many
opportunities
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 in
work
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree with
such
Linking Words
 an idea which
work
Use synonyms
 giving a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
opportunities
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 resulting in a better
work
Use synonyms
life
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. From my perspective,
enjoyable
Add an article
an enjoyable
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job
Use synonyms
 which makes us become satisfied helps us feel more energetic and comfortable in the
work
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 which gives
a
Correct pronoun usage
us a
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
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 or more
opportunities
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 in
work
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may cause us to feel uncomfortable and unhappy with
this
Linking Words
work
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 because we have to spend so much time
in
Change preposition
on
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this
Linking Words
job
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 duty until we complete
this
Linking Words
 working task.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the reward of
job
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 performance of unenjoyable
work
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 which we do not want to operate may provide a
lot
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 of
money
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 and several
opportunities
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 more than jobs which we want to operate, it may have negative impacts on our physical and mental health, and it will become worse if the working environment is catastrophic.
Besides
Linking Words
, performing
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 which we want to do will make us become more hard-working,
such
Linking Words
 as finding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
specific knowledge and expanding our world horizon.
In contrast
Linking Words
, if we choose
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 which we do not want to do, it will have a negative
repercussion
Fix the agreement mistake
repercussions
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 on
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
 atmosphere of our firm and other colleagues.
In addition
Linking Words
, the result of choosing
boring
Add an article
a boring
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 is that we do not want to keep developing ourselves and find valuable knowledge for improving ourselves in order to provide a
lot
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 of benefits to ourselves and our firm. In conclusion, from my point of view, I strongly agree with
idea
Correct article usage
the idea
show examples
 that we should choose enjoyable
work
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 rather than
work
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 which gives a
lot
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 of benefits even if that
work
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 will provide a better
life
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 for us. the result of choosing enjoyable
work
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 will make us feel enthusiastic, delightful, and enjoyable for working. The more you keep improving yourself, the more
job
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title
Fix the agreement mistake
titles
show examples
 and
money
Use synonyms
 you will get as well.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks proper organization and structure. Work on presenting a clear introduction and conclusion. Use appropriate linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task but lacks thorough development. Provide a more balanced discussion of both views and use relevant examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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