Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some people
believes
that Change the verb form
believe
work
which is enjoyable is more significant than work
which gives a lot
of money
or many opportunities
in work
life
, while
others disagree with such
an idea which work
giving a lot
of opportunities
resulting in a better work
life
.
From my perspective, enjoyable
Add an article
an enjoyable
job
which makes us become satisfied helps us feel more energetic and comfortable in the work
. On the contrary
, the
Correct article usage
apply
work
which gives a
Correct pronoun usage
us a
lot
of money
or more opportunities
in work
life
to
Change preposition
apply
us
may cause us to feel uncomfortable and unhappy with Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
work
because we have to spend so much time in
Change preposition
on
this
job
duty until we complete this
working task. Moreover
, although
the reward of job
performance of unenjoyable work
which we do not want to operate may provide a lot
of money
and several opportunities
more than jobs which we want to operate, it may have negative impacts on our physical and mental health, and it will become worse if the working environment is catastrophic.
Besides
, performing job
which we want to do will make us become more hard-working, Correct article usage
the job
such
as finding the
specific knowledge and expanding our world horizon. Correct article usage
apply
In contrast
, if we choose job
which we do not want to do, it will have a negative Add an article
a job
the job
repercussion
on Fix the agreement mistake
repercussions
working
atmosphere of our firm and other colleagues. Add an article
the working
In addition
, the result of choosing boring
Add an article
a boring
job
is that we do not want to keep developing ourselves and find valuable knowledge for improving ourselves in order to provide a lot
of benefits to ourselves and our firm.
In conclusion, from my point of view, I strongly agree with idea
that we should choose enjoyable Correct article usage
the idea
work
rather than work
which gives a lot
of benefits even if that work
will provide a better life
for us. the result of choosing enjoyable work
will make us feel enthusiastic, delightful, and enjoyable for working. The more you keep improving yourself, the more job
title
and Fix the agreement mistake
titles
money
you will get as well.Submitted by boatakrawin on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks proper organization and structure. Work on presenting a clear introduction and conclusion. Use appropriate linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task but lacks thorough development. Provide a more balanced discussion of both views and use relevant examples to support your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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