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Band 5.5

Some employers involve their emoplyees in their decision-making process. Do the advantages outwiegh the disadvantages?

#employers #emoplyees #process #outwiegh
In
this
 democratic society, it is generally acknowledged by certain individuals that it is beneficial when employers allow their
workers
 to participate in
decision-making
Add an article
the decision-making
show examples
procedure
Fix the agreement mistake
procedures
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are some drawbacks. Regarding
this
, I strongly believe that the benefits overwhelm the drawbacks. On the one hand, decisions that are designed by employees may not
realistic
Add a missing verb
be realistic
show examples
 as they cannot consider the financial state of their companies.
For example
, a recent media in Korea reports that some employees
dicided
Correct your spelling
decided
 to change some manufacturing machines which are costless so that the investment dominated the
outcoms
Correct your spelling
outcomes
outcome
.
As a result
, the
revene
Correct your spelling
revenue
 was reduced due to the excessive investment. As the example clearly illustrates, since
workers
 do not know
sophisticated
Add an article
the sophisticated
show examples
 financial state of their companies, it is hard to allocate budgets wisely.
On the other hand
, I believe that involving
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a company's
decision
 is practical because factually,
wrokers
Correct your spelling
workers
 work
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a real field rather than employers.
Therefore
, actual
workers
 are the best people who know
practical
Add an article
the practical
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 in their companies. In
this
 regard, they can figure out the most productive and practical way to improve
producivity
Correct your spelling
productivity
.
For instance
, in a hospital in Korea, employers asked their subordinates to think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 to provide more kind services to customers as the subordinates deal with actual customers.
Therefore
, they could easily make a
decision
 to improve customer services. Regarding
this
, it is reasonable to point out that making a
decision
that is
 involved by
workers
 is beneficial. In conclusion, while I accept that
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 can sometimes be rather unrealistic to make a
decision
, there is no doubt to point out that it is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 idea to involve them because they are the best people who know a practical environment.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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