Some people think that having a set retirement age for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at an early age. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #retirement #age #everybody #occupation #workers #pension

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A few masses believe that the

retirement

Use synonyms

age should not be universal and must vary from one job to another. I fully agree with the given notion since some jobs need more physical and mental exertion. To start with, work is necessary for life to overcome needs. Every task is dissimilar as some are physically more demanding

such

Linking Words

as policemen and the military sector as compared to others.

Hence

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, these workers must be retired between 45 to 55 years.

Moreover

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, armed forces have to safeguard international boundaries around the clock where physical power is obligatory.

Similarly

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, in the police department, the policemen have to search for evidence in weird cases where a sturdy body is necessary.

Therefore

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, to give rewards to these people their

retirement

Use synonyms

age ought to be tweaked.

Additionally

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, the wage earners working in factories should

also

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be retired by 50.

For instance

Linking Words

, the cement industry is involved in developing the structure of

this

Linking Words

advanced and modern world but generates dust during its production. Cement dust causes lung function impairment, chronic obstructive lung disease, stomach and colon.

Therefore

Linking Words

, either their working hours should be reduced or they should be given

pre matured

Add a hyphen

pre-matured

show examples

retirement

Use synonyms

. In the same way, a few other sectors are

also

Linking Words

responsible for the serious health issues being faced by their employees. In the telecom sector , psychologists and psychiatrists

note

Wrong verb form

have noted

show examples

a spurt in patients from the telecom industry over the past few months ,and

this

Linking Words

flow is likely to increase

further

Linking Words

. A report published by LH hospital in Mumbai has shown that every month the cases associated with depression and mental disorders are rising among those working in the aforementioned sector.

Thus

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

workers should be retired early.

To conclude

Linking Words

retirement

Use synonyms

means a lot for people and it must be based on the nature of a job.

As a result

Linking Words

,I am of the opinion that the mentioned workers should be able to get

retirement

Use synonyms

in the early phase of life.

Submitted by sourabhgr1 on Mon Mar 28 2022

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task response

Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed and supported with relevant examples. Pay attention to the clarity and depth of the ideas.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Focus on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

327 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

retirement age
pension
physically demanding
mentally draining
emotionally draining
economic implications
financial burden
health and life expectancy
uniform retirement age
flexible approach
job satisfaction
early retirement
occupational fairness
social security system

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Some people think that having a set retirement age for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at an early age. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and diseas. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little impact on public health and measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this.

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important.