IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some believe that charitable organisations should help people no matter where they live. Others argue that charities should only help those living in the country where the charity is based. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#believe #organisations #people #matter #charities #country #charity
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
today’s world,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial problems are becoming crucial in various parts of the world and
this
 leads to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
poverty in each family. Some
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 take an action to
this
 trouble.
Although
 every person who suffers
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
this
 issue should be aided by certain institutions, many perspectives perceive that charities should be spent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the citizens
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
country
.
Therefore
,
this
 essay elaborates
rationales
Correct article usage
the rationales
show examples
 behind these two opposing views in greater depth and expresses my personal stance on the aforementioned issue before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, associations should provide charities to people who struggle in emergency incidence especially wars and pandemics.
In other words
,
this
 grant
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 people a chance to live
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 several ways.
Firstly
, education can be improved to develop educated residents.
Secondly
, overseas dwellers will have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 opportunity to reach efficient hygienic systems and
medicational
Replace the word
medical
show examples
 terms.
Last
 but not least, shelters and numerous living quarters ruined in the outbreak are renovated.
On the other hand
, some aim that these financial supports can precisely develop in their
country
. Problems of poverty in today’s society will be decreased
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
economic growth.
This
 is due to the fact that if suffered people acquire money, they can utilise it to get a profession which is one of the things that propel the economy.
This
also
reinforce
Change the verb form
reinforces
show examples
 a market to maintain a balance of fiscal factors.
Thus
, a government can apply
this
 consequence to develop a
country
 in the future. To sum up, donating charitable money to
diverse
Add an article
the diverse
show examples
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 can advocate for them when a state of emergency occurs.
Nevertheless
,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 may be
Correct your spelling
raised
arised
Correct your spelling
arisen
show examples
 with these grants.
Consequently
, both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 are crucial and worthy of consideration when one is deciding to provide charities.
Submitted by phitsinee1416 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: