IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer

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Introduction
The issue of smoking in public is constantly raising . Some hold the view that it's so harmful as smokers badly affect the air and the health of humans surrounding them ,
others
Use synonyms
 have a
Correct your spelling
diverse
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divers
Correct your spelling
diverse
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 view that they can act the way they want neglecting
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others
Change noun form
others'
other's
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 needs and situations . In my opinion , I agree that the government should restrict smoking even ban it in parks and
public
Change preposition
on public
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 transportation .My convention will be
further
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 explained .
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some argue that smoking is very harmful to human beings and it can cause serious damage to
lungs
Correct article usage
the lungs
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 . Not only does it harm the smoker but
also
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citizens
Correct article usage
the citizens
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 surrounding him or her .
For example
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, patients with asthma or respiratory diseases that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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could be lethal to them .
Besides
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 that, it can be so detrimental to the environment . A prime example, starting a fire and burning
a parks
Correct the article-noun agreement
parks
a park
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 like what happened once in Oregon state,USA.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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 ,
others
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 say that they should experience
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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 of choice when it comes to where to smoke .
Usually
Add a comma
,Usually
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 they are convinced that
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 will not be harmed .
Also
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, they believe that whoever doesn't like the smell can simply move away . What can be said is that they want to experience their freedom anytime, anywhere.
Conclusion
In conclusion , after
this
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 essay has manifested the
above mentioned
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above-mentioned
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 views , it can be reiterated that freedom has limitations if it harms
others
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 .
Hence
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 , proponents can't live alone isolated in a closed community as we share the air as well as public places

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