IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more and more people are having consumer goods like refrigerators and washing machines. Does this development bring more advantages than disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #consumer #goods #refrigerators #machines #development
In recent times, the public
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 excited to have a refrigerator and a washing machine to help
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 household work.
Overall
, some
people
 have to pay a higher electronic fee monthly than before,
whereas
 other
people
 feel many benefits of using technology devices. In my opinion, there is a drawback that must be considered during operating these tools since
people
 use more than one electronic device every day.
For instance
, an average poor family in a rural area in Indonesia. It is not going to be easy for them to purchase the new one and operate
this
 equipment since they do not have enough money and lack information regarding the operational procedure. It was
such
 an incredible moment when they put it in the kitchen without any safe place around the environment.
Moreover
, if they want to buy
this
 equipment, they should be considered to pay more costs every month. The major reasons
people
 decided to get more benefits from refrigerators and washing machines are their effectiveness and saving money.
For example
, a family in a suburb or urban area in
this
 country, who have a high level of business, only have a few hours to fulfil their needs.
Additionally
, having
this
 equipment, makes daily activities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
easier and faster than before.
Although
 they need to spend more money
for paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
 the fees, the fresh condition of the meals and clothes could be well-maintained. In conclusion, any reason contributes
people
 to
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
show examples
this
 habit
whereas
 other families choose to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a priority to focus on their studies and jobs.
Subsequently
, most societies do not have other options except
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
 these goods as their assistant to handle all the household work.

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task response
Improve the clarity of the introduction and conclusion. Make sure they clearly address the question prompt and provide a preview of the main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
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