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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There exists an opinion that youngsters allocate the majority of their
time
Use synonyms
 to
televison
Correct your spelling
television
 and games,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
show examples
 others claim that these can cause mental issues. I share
this
Linking Words
 statement partially, as it depends on the type of those activities. On the one hand,
this
Linking Words
 can work
wonder
Fix the agreement mistake
wonders
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children's development, if they deal with
intelectul
Correct your spelling
intellectual
 TV programs and games. In essence, a huge part of TV channels, intended for young
people
Use synonyms
, involve
Correct your spelling
diverse
show examples
divers
Correct your spelling
diverse
show examples
 educational shows and even online games,
such
Linking Words
 as "who wants to be a millionaire?" or online chess, which
contrubute
Correct your spelling
contribute
 to their self-education.
Thus
Linking Words
, whiling away on
such
Linking Words
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of social sites, even if they binge on them,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can bring only a benefit for their mental
acknowledgment
Change the spelling
acknowledgement
show examples
. A friend of mine,
for instance
Linking Words
, could learn 2 new foreign languages in a year, while he has forced to spend his whole free
time
Use synonyms
 there.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, being glued to screens can bring imperfect
concequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
, if they have bad concepts. Nowadays, due to state-of-the-art technology,
people
Use synonyms
 have entire websites at their fingertips, regardless
Change preposition
of its
show examples
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 subject matter, which can be
addicted
Replace the word
addictive
show examples
in
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of cases.
Concequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, the more teenagers spend
time
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these social sites, the more they will suffer, provided they can get hooked on
those
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. According to the research of New York's
Time
Use synonyms
 paper, the number of
autismic
Correct your spelling
autistic
autism
 sick children in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 has risen about 20 per cent in 2021 in
comparition
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to 2020,
as a result
Linking Words
 of
exploitiation
Correct your spelling
exploitation
 too much technology for
inefective
Correct your spelling
ineffective
 aims. To recapitulate, more and more young
people
Use synonyms
 are prone to be active in TV shows or gaming mode, which is
critisized
Correct your spelling
criticized
criticised
be
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 some part of
people
Use synonyms
, in terms of its harmful features for mental health issues. I am inclined to believe that allocating
time
Use synonyms
 to teaching activities even
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Television can have
huge
Add an article
the huge
a huge
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 and only meaningless actions can injure children's mental development.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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