IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Because many children are not able to learn foreign languages, schools should not force them to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Our world’s official
language
Use synonyms
 is
English
Use synonyms
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 people and the government choose to
study
Use synonyms
 and teach the
language
Use synonyms
, so learning
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 is now normal for everyone,
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there must be
Add an article
an advantage
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 for able to speak
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 so where the place is not familiar to the foreign
language
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
English
Use synonyms
, obsessed with
teach
Change the verb form
teaching
show examples
 their children to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life and be competitive.
This
Linking Words
 system is concentrated in
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as Asia. Being able to speak
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 is good
however
Linking Words
 if
students
Use synonyms
 do not even fully comprehend their own
language
Use synonyms
, I do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 think school should force them to
study
Use synonyms
.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of using
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, teenagers use
slangs
Fix the agreement mistake
slang
show examples
 to communicate with their friends rather than using formal words. In Korea, for that reason, lack of literacy is
concern
Add an article
a concern
show examples
,
students
Use synonyms
 do not have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to comprehend the meaning of words. Despite the
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 are currently studying
English
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 level and absolutely they remember lists of vocabulary that they do not
understanding
Change the verb form
understand
show examples
 of it. There will
no
Add a missing verb
be no
show examples
 meaning
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 learning languages if they are not able to understand
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own
language
Use synonyms
. While the problem is still highly growing,
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
 parents always desire their children to be
talent
Replace the word
talented
show examples
 at everything. According to that many
students
Use synonyms
 are forced to
study
Use synonyms
 foreign languages after school lessons to earn
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
mark
Fix the agreement mistake
marks
show examples
 on the school test,
that is
Linking Words
what
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 schools should stop
select
Wrong verb form
selecting
show examples
English
Use synonyms
ascompulsory
Correct your spelling
as compulsory
compulsory
 subject which parents and
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 have no choice to stop
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 on
Linking Words
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
language
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
Add a comma
,Nevertheless
show examples
 even schools do not choose
English
Use synonyms
 as
compulsory
Add an article
a compulsory
show examples
 subject,
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will have less pressure
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
study
Add an article
the study
a study
show examples
 the
language
Use synonyms
 they do not understand , and in the future people who need the
language
Use synonyms
 will choose to
study
Use synonyms
 by their own choice. In conclusion, I believe that the government will have
smart
Add an article
a smart
show examples
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 for student’s future and think
where
Change preposition
about where
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 can spend their potential rather than focusing on foreign
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, we
cannt
Correct your spelling
can't
can not
 deny
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that
English
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 important for some people, we will need to

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: