Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country rather than living as a separate minority group with different lifestyle. Do you agree or disagree?

Different kinds of

cultures

Use synonyms

is helping

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

to learn something new and live with happiness. Few

people

Use synonyms

argue that

people

Use synonyms

should accept the new foreign

culture

Use synonyms

on behalf of living alone or

separate

Change the word

separately

show examples

. I totally agree with

this

Linking Words

statement, and I will discuss it in the upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

new

Correct article usage

a new

show examples

culture

Use synonyms

and a new lifestyle give enjoyment and happiness to different

people

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, nowadays many

people

Use synonyms

as well as

Linking Words

students, are going to overseas countries for higher education and work. If they do not accept their

culture

Use synonyms

maybe

Rephrase

it may

show examples

possible too hard to live. Because, their atmosphere and

festivals

Use synonyms

, all are different from

Correct pronoun usage

ours

show examples

. So ,

people

Use synonyms

should adopt foreign

festivals

Use synonyms

Apart from

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, many countries have their own

festivals

Use synonyms

and

cultures

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, the Indian

culture

Use synonyms

festivals

Use synonyms

is totally different and fully enjoyable like Diwali, Holi, and

makarshankranti

Change the capitalization

Makarshankranti

show examples

However

Linking Words

many abroad

people

Use synonyms

visit India and enjoy our festival. So

this

Linking Words

is a good sign for, building a better relationship between the two countries.

Moreover

Linking Words

, many foreign

people

Use synonyms

are domesticating our Indian religion. To illustrate, a number of Indian

people

Use synonyms

believe in the Vaishnav religion.

Linking Words

Although simultaneously

Correct word choice

Simultaneously

show examples

some foreign

people

Use synonyms

like Russian and Canadian

people

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

adopt the Vaishnav religion because , in

this

Linking Words

culture

Use synonyms

people

Use synonyms

get an internal soothing and happy life.

To conclude

Linking Words

, many

cultures

Use synonyms

festivals

Use synonyms

give to peaceful ambience and

soothing

Correct article usage

a soothing

show examples

life, so

people

Use synonyms

must adopt different

cultures

Use synonyms

for a great life.

shrikunjrana0612Wed Apr 06 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Enhance the introduction to clearly state your main argument. Include a clear thesis statement that summarizes your stance in a more compelling way.

coherence and cohesion

Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points more thoroughly, ensuring that these examples are directly linked to your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Improve the variety in sentence structure to make the writing more engaging.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear viewpoint that is maintained throughout, which is a positive aspect.

task achievement

You included cultural references and examples, such as Diwali and Holi, which adds value to your argument and show understanding of the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

239 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

assimilate
social cohesion
integration
navigating the job market
cultural preservation
sense of belonging
heritage
multiculturalism
cultural landscape
support network
transition
multicultural society
mutual respect
cultural identity

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? – Disagree -
Nowadays, kids are easy to catch something on television (TV) due to it illustrates something in a clear form. The majority of people agree that this technology is essential for their children's learning process so they believe the use of it at school, not only at home, is also needed; while others stand on the opposite opinion. I disagree with this statement since it would impact the function of their eyes.
7
band
An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There is a trend where more and more professionals are leaving their countries for richer countries in search of a better life. In this essay, I plan to discuss issues caused by this phenomenon and a number of possible solutions to tackle them.
6
band
Some People Feel That Entertainers Such As Film Stars, Pop Musicians Or Sports Stars Are Paid Too Much Money. Do You Agree Or Disagree? Which Other Types Of Job Should Be Highly Paid?
It is often said that people who work in the entertainment industry such as movie stars, musicians, and sports stars are being overpaid. This essay discusses why I think they are paid too much money and then I will describe other occupations that I think should receive higher salaries.
7
band
Some people argue that technological advancements , such as smartphones and the Internet, have had a negative impact on social interactions and human relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?
In this advancement of technology, there are various opinions regarding modern technologies. While some people believe that such advancements are deteriorating social lives and interactions, others think it does not. However, I disagree with the former opinion, as there have been significant changes in our way of interaction since mobile phones and the Internet existed.
7.5
band
Write a letter to the manager of the HR department of a company requesting information about the interview that you attended but still waiting for results. In your letter, describe the position you applied for why you think the interview went well why you need the result of the interview Write at least 150 words.
I writing this letter to inform you that, I gave an interview about a month ago, but I have not received any mail regarding that interview result.

Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country rather than living as a separate minority group with different lifestyle. Do you agree or disagree?

Word Count

Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? – Disagree -

Some People Feel That Entertainers Such As Film Stars, Pop Musicians Or Sports Stars Are Paid Too Much Money. Do You Agree Or Disagree? Which Other Types Of Job Should Be Highly Paid?

Some people argue that technological advancements , such as smartphones and the Internet, have had a negative impact on social interactions and human relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?