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Band 5.5

Employers sometime ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
The topic of personal
information
 has been controversial. Some people believe that
this
information
 may be relevant and useful for the
company
, whereas I agree with those who think that employers should ask only their
information
 about ability, experience, skill, or attitude. On other hand, it is commonly believed that personal
information
 might be significant for
applying
Add the preposition
forapplying
show examples
 a job. One of the most important reasons is that employee’s privet
information
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
 to understand worker
needed
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 since they can provide things like equipment
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 workers normally use or facilities
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 may be useful for them.
For example
,
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
revealed that 80% of workers who work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
company
 in Thailand tend to be happy with their
company
 to share personal
information
. Having said that
this
information
 plays a major role in their work.
On the other hand
, it seems to me that employers should ask only their
information
 about ability, experience, skill, or attitude. The most significant reason is the fact employee’s personal details should be
privacy
Replace the word
private
show examples
.
This
 is because
this
 kind of
information
 may be unnecessary for the
company
 if the
company
 doesn’t use it. To illustrate
this
, in recent news, it has been reported that
worker’s
Fix the agreement mistake
workers’
show examples
information
 has been
transpire
Change the verb form
transpiring
transpired
show examples
 70% per year. I agree with
this
 point because if companies
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
 to
maintenance
Replace the word
maintain
show examples
 their employee’s
information
 they should ask
personal
Change preposition
for personal
show examples
 details
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
. In conclusion, having considered both sides of
this
 issue,
although
 personal
information
 might be significant for
applying
Add the preposition
forapplying
show examples
 a job, I agree with those who think that employers should ask only their
information
 that
important
Add a missing verb
is important
show examples
 about the job.
Submitted by fon9sk on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: