The graphs below illustrate the gadgets individuals in the 18 to 25 age categories utilize to watch TV channels in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

The graphs below illustrate the gadgets individuals in the 18 to 25 age categories utilize to watch TV channels in Canada in 2009 and 2019.
The graphs below illustrate the gadgets individuals in the 18 to 25 age categories
utilize
Wrong verb form
utilised
show examples
to watch
TV
channels in Canada in 2009 and 2019. In 2009 a lot of people
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
using conventional
TV
which was 34% of total usage.
However
, it dramatically
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined more than 8 times by 2019 because of new technology development. In comparison with traditional
TV
, Flat screen
TV
consumption
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rapidly increased over 3 times between 2009 and 2019. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
of healthy
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sight effect and size improvement, the Flat screen
TV
has been developed faster. The devices
such
as mobile phone, and desktop computers has risen by 11% and 6% respectively. The proportion of tablets increased by almost 5
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
from 5% to 19%.
In addition
, amount of percentage for
Add an article
the tablet
show examples
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
has significantly slumped
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
with
Add an article
the smart
show examples
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
due to
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
to watch
TV
and video. Most of
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
for the conventional
TV
has shifted to other devices, especially to the Flat
TV
.
Submitted by ronald.delacruz12 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words tv with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrate
  • gadgets
  • utilized
  • age categories
  • watching TV channels
  • comparison
  • popularity
  • notable trends
  • increase/decrease
  • devices
  • decade
  • advancements in technology
  • user preferences
  • speculation
  • future trends
  • conclusion
  • implications
  • technology and media companies
  • lifestyle
  • habits
  • target age group
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