IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

it is observed that most governments pay a lot of money for the art projects. For instance, there are more and more paintings and sculptures seen in public places. Some people say that it is wrong and governments should spend more money on other important things of public interest. Do you agree or disagree?

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At the present time, most governments around the world are investing a lot of
money
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 in art
projects
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.
However
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, people think that it is best to use
this
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money
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 for something more important. In my opinion, governments should use their resources for more important matters. In
this
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 essay, the reasons for
this
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 statement will be discussed.
To begin
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 with, it is a well-known fact that many
countries
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 do not have enough resources in order to handle their
economical
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economic
show examples
 problems, and expenditure on paintings and sculptures does not seem to be a wise choice.
For instance
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, the vast majority of
countries
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 in the world have invoked sanctions on other
countries
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such
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 as Iran and Iraq which caused drastic inflation in those places.
Moreover
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, the process of resolving these issues is extremely expensive.
Therefore
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, it is best not to waste too much
money
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 on things like paintings and sculptures.
Lastly
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, it is better not to involve politicians in art
projects
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 in order to ensure the quality of those
projects
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. To illustrate
this
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, recent studies have shown that when governments support a commodity,
then
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 its quality is more likely to decrease.
On the other hand
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, people only buy those products if they are good and the only way for artists to make
money
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 is to make better products.
Thus
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, expenditure on these
projects
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 can actually be damaging.
To conclude
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, some say that it is best for
countries
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 around the world to spend less on paintings and sculptures and spend more on something more valuable to society. In my view, there are more vital issues that we need to solve so it is best to spend more on those problems.
Additionally
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, investing in art can actually damage those commodities in the future.

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Task Response
Task Response - The essay provides a clear position on the topic and presents valid arguments to support it. However, to improve task response, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main argument and addresses all aspects of the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion - The essay has a logical progression of ideas and uses transitions effectively. To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied sentence structures and linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
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