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Band 5.5

Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #time #homes #workplace
There exists an opinion that
people
 spend much
time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
work
 premises rather than at their accommodations. I am inclined to believe that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of
this
 are over of its benefits. Because of
this
 trend,
people
 get difficulties
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
getting in touch with the members of their families and it provides a low level of productivity, even though it helps them to be
away
Correct your spelling
a way
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 domestic tasks.
First
 of all,
this
 tendency has an imperfect influence on
people
's communication with their families, due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of spent
time
 with them. In general, there exist diverse important events within their hearths,
such
 as the birthday parties, national holidays and even evening dinners, to name but a few, which assumes to gather with the whole family members together, in order to while away and hang out to each other.
Consequently
, the less
time
 they spend at their flats, the less they take part in the family events. A friend of mine,
for instance
, had to burn the midnight oil for years,
as a result
 of which he skipped school events
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 his children.
Secondly
, spending much
time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
work
 premises leads to a low grade of productivity. In essence, the whole kinds of employees should balance their working and rest hours, in order to provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 combination of the high quality and a large number of products.
Thus
, staying at office buildings
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 means to have not enough relaxation
time
,
as a result
 of which they will have not a fresh and motivated mind and cannot ensure as much productivity as it is possible. After passing the law in Switzerland in 2015,
that is
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 the working hours of all workers in
alter
Change the verb form
altering
show examples
 fields by 20 per cent, the economy of the country had about 35 per cent growth at the end of the year.
On the other hand
,
this
 gives an opportunity to
people
 to avoid several household tasks. Usually, all houses have certain types of domestic issues,
such
 as cooking and cleaning, which are accumulated
as a result
 of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
daily activities and should be done on a daily basis.
Hence
, due to the long working curriculum
people
 not only get rid of domestic duties and responsibilities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 demand others to do
instead
 of them. In Armenia,
for instance
, about 90 per cent of men do not deal with daily housekeeping
work
, since they
work
 even at weekends. To recapitulate, in recent times, the population is keen to have more business hours in their offices, than at their homes. I firmly believe that
this
 development has more cons than pros, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mentioned above. According to those,
first
 of all,
people
 have problems
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
communicational
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 skills with their relatives, especially with their spouse and children, and get tired, which leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unproductive
work
. Despite being negative development, it involves a plus as well, in terms of avoiding
a certain types
Correct the article-noun agreement
certain types
a certain type
show examples
 of daily responsibilities properly.
Submitted by mamyan91 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career progression
  • earning potential
  • enhanced productivity
  • skill sets
  • work-life balance
  • personal well-being
  • negatively impacting
  • increased stress
  • health issues
  • burnout
  • cardiovascular diseases
What to do next:
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