IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies or interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
Today, employers often ask individuals looking for jobs for personal
information
such
 as their favourite entertainment, the things they like in their free time and whether they are married or single,…
Although
 some
people
 believe that personal
information
 can be useful for employers, others including me would argue that their
information
 should not be asked
.
Change preposition
for.
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 One disadvantage of asking for personal
information
 is when an employer is biased towards some
people
 because of their religion or hometown. The consequence of it is likely to be that personnel feel a sense of injustice so they lost work ethic and progress in the
workplace
 Or it can even create a clash in religious beliefs and have effects on staff’s health
For example
 in my country, when I went to do a job interview, the interviewer asked me about my religion. Even though, I did not know the motive behind the question, since I had a minority religion I did not feel well. Another disadvantage is that
,
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apply
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 some
people
 do not like to share their personal
information
 with others and to
prefer
Add the particle
toprefer
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 keep them secret. The consequence of it is likely to be that
personnels
Correct your spelling
personnel
 feel a sense of injustice so they lost work ethic and progress Or it can even create a clash in religious beliefs and have effects on
people
’s health. Some
people
 think that asking for
information
 could be useful for employers, as they understand the personality types of their future employees.
As a result
, they choose them in the sections that are matched
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their personality. For
Correct your spelling
instance
show examples
enstance
Correct your spelling
instance
show examples
, if we ask
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 someone’s free time activities and they tell us that he like sports, we can recognize that they are quite active and suitable for a section that needs active personnel
such
 as mechanical jobs
However
, competence and being versatile are most important in the
workplace
. In conclusion, In my opinion, asking for personal
information
 is likely to create problems in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
moreover
, some
people
 do not like to share their personal
information
. In the
workplace
 experience and competence come
first
.
Submitted by Soraya_rezaei on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
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