IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying a product (such as cell phone) or service (e.g. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #product #cell #phone #service #e #g #treatment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Financial management has always played a key role in almost all societies and when paying for a product or a service, many
people
Use synonyms
 think about affordability as the most important factor which I partially agree with. On the one hand, it seems reasonable to consider the
price
Use synonyms
 as the most efficient factor. High living expenses in today's world
as well as
Linking Words
 the economic recession in many countries, especially during the
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
 pandemic, have resulted in poverty in many areas.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 often prioritise their needs and their income to meet the end.
For example
Linking Words
, a majority think about the
price
Use synonyms
 of a cell phone if they have more important needs
such
Linking Words
 as clothes or food. In regards to services as well, they tend to pay for crucial ones
such
Linking Words
 as medications
instead
Linking Words
 of recreational ones like massages. They should be fully healthy to work and earn money to live.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe there are situations where
people
Use synonyms
 should spend money without thinking about the
price
Use synonyms
. Sometimes, it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 matter of life or death.
For instance
Linking Words
, it
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 important how expensive medicine is, parents are going to pay to cure their children.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the emergency is a factor that usually overtakes the
price
Use synonyms
. Another issue is related to educational needs. In today's world, literacy plays a key role in an individual's life.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 possibly spend on books and other tools without considering the
price
Use synonyms
. These are expenditures that will be paid back in the future by a high-paying career and well-being. In conclusion, it seems to me that
although
Linking Words
 the pecuniary issue is critical when buying stuff or paying for services, sometimes their importance comes first.
Submitted by Sarah_nazari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction could be stronger by clearly stating your position on the topic.
task achievement
Make sure to address all aspects of the prompt in a more detailed manner to improve task response.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied transition words to improve coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget
  • prioritize
  • manage finances
  • high quality
  • affordable
  • effective
  • durable
  • essential services
  • efficacy
  • compromise one's health
  • long-term savings
  • durability
  • efficiency
What to do next:
Look at other essays: