IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believed that technology has made man more social .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #man
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It is argued that the sophisticated
technology
Use synonyms
 globalization has improved the sociability of
people
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 despite it
has
Wrong verb form
having
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 some detrimental effects on health .I strongly advocate the statement .
Moreover
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 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
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 is crucial for almost every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
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 of
people
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's lives .In
this
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 essay , I will describe both the positive and negative sides . It is undeniable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advanced modern
technology
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 plays an indispensable role . On the bright side , the applications
such
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 as Facebook , Twitter and Instagram are put
in
Change preposition
on
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 mobile phones and laptops or PC .
People
Use synonyms
 can keep in contact with a click of
finger
Add an article
a finger
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 on
applivationa
Correct your spelling
application
applications
 via electronic devices
although
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 they are in different countries with different
time
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 zones , unlike before when the communication was a culprit through letters that took a long
time
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 to be received . As an illustration , students who are studying away from their households can have a face to face conversations with friends or family members .Some experts said that they can reduce their loneliness compared to those who do not . On the flip side , progressing the
technology
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 huge the huge can encourage a sedentary
lifestyles
Correct the article-noun agreement
lifestyle
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.
People
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 are going to suffer from back pain and headache from sitting and looking screen for a long
time
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 .
Furthermore
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 , our brains are being damaged slowly by radiation released from those materials which can lead to mental issues .
In other words
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 , a
new
Correct your spelling
news
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 was broadcasted recently in which an adolescent played games in front of the electronic equipment all the
time
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 ,
as a result
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 , he is suffering from mental illness . To sum up , I admit that we need
technology
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 not only to be socially active but
also
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 for our jobs , studying and daily routines.
Submitted by hninpapaaye99 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social interaction
  • connect
  • communicate
  • video conferencing
  • stay in touch
  • online communities
  • forums
  • like-minded individuals
  • global communication
  • collaboration
  • access to information
  • knowledge
  • bridge the gap
  • social isolation
  • detachment
  • face-to-face communication
  • genuine human connection
  • maintain
  • real-life interactions
  • balance
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