Prevention is better than cure. Out of country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

It is true that preventative remedy is much more efficient than treatment, in society. An argument has that a great proportion of the country's budget should be transferred from treatment to physical awareness. I agree with that suggestion completely because it will help to develop public wellness and will help save money.
Begin with
Verb problem
With
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, the predominant reason to give priority to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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precaution
this
will help the population
to
Verb problem
apply
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maintain their health.
As a result
, nations can avoid the sickness in the first stage by taking measurable steps.
Although
this
will change the standard of living of many people, they can be more dedicated to their work.
For example
, in the past, people
cannot
Verb problem
were not
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able to
give
Verb problem
pay
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attention to their work as having sick members in their family,
due to
that they are suffering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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stress.
Furthermore
, fewer funds are required
in spreading
Change preposition
to spread
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and
initiating
Wrong verb form
initiate
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health awareness in society.
Thus
,the rest of the capital can be used for providing other services
such
as education, food and transportation.
For instance
, if fitness-related activities are included as mandatory in the curriculum of educational institutions,
then
it will not only make children well-informed about their physical fitness but
also
play a major role in building their future. To summarize, a larger percentage of the country’s well-being budget should be diverted
for
Change preposition
to
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awareness rather than medication.
This
helps to save money, which may
use
Wrong verb form
be used
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for the treatment of an individual suffering from a critical illness which is ultimately beneficial for the economy of the country.
Submitted by aurkos8171 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Include a stronger introduction that clearly presents your viewpoint and a conclusion that summarizes your argument effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points and strengthen your argument.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • health education
  • public awareness
  • proactive approach
  • unsustainable
  • economic productivity
  • healthcare system
  • vaccinations
  • curative measures
  • comprehensive healthcare
  • financial burden
  • incidence
  • preventable diseases
  • eradicating
  • controlling
  • allocated
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