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Band 5.5

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #life
Nature's design and thousands of years of evolution have made
women
 better at
childcare
 than men. Even though
this
 might be a scientific fact, in today's world the
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
 of
women
 is equally important as their personal
life
.
Therefore
, I completely disagree that
women
 should spend more time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
raising
children
 and sacrifice their
work
life
. Many solutions can help
women
 balance their
work
 and personal
life
. A few examples are
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Flexible working hours and a Joint family system.
Firstly
, all corporates are working towards favourable working conditions for
women
.
This
 includes having policies that will help
women
 not lose their job in order to concentrate on taking care of their
children
.
For example
, giving freedom, by having flexible working hours and / or having a daycare centre at the office.
This
 will ease the pressure on a
woman
 to have a balanced
life
.
Secondly
,
childcare
 is not only a
woman
's responsibility but a man's too. A husband should
also
 equally participate in
childcare
 which will reduce some burden on a
woman
. But,
this
 has limited benefits as the husband needs to go out to
work
 too. In
this
 scenario, it becomes important to once again embrace the joint family system. Having the entire family living together will not only help
women
 in sharing the
work
 to raise a child and household chores but
also
 help nurture
children
 because they will learn a lot from their grandparents and others. To conclude, in today's time
childcare
 is a job for both men and
women
. I strongly disagree that only
women
 have to compromise. Certain assistance from corporates on policies and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 will reduce
women
's stress levels.
Moreover
, taking care of
children
 by family members
such
 as husbands and grandparents will have huge benefits on a child's development and give more free time to a
woman
 to focus on her
work
.
Submitted by deepika Tomar on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • nurturing
  • empathy
  • sensitivity
  • maternal instinct
  • paternal involvement
  • child's development
  • work-life balance
  • gender equality
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