In the past, many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Many years ago,
world
war
occured
in Correct your spelling
occurred
two
Add a hyphen
two-phase
phase
Change to a plural noun
phases
where
well-known as Replace the word
were
first
Correct article usage
the first
world
war
and second
Correct article usage
the second
world
war
. In that situation
, each ally consisting
of several countries Wrong verb form
consists
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
led
by male leaders. Considering Add a missing verb
are led
with
that Change preposition
apply
situation
, some people argue that women
would be better to lead than men because women
can address a well-ordered and more peaceful world
. To my view, the argument is not able to be truly agreed because
a great leader is not seen by Change preposition
upon because
gender
, while the capability that can make leader
a role model.
Add an article
a leader
First
of all, it is obvious that women
and men have own
character. The argument Correct pronoun usage
their own
on
the essayChange preposition
in
,
might be supported by the fact that men always tend to act Remove the comma
apply
violence
in some Replace the word
violently
situation
than Fix the agreement mistake
situations
women
. However
, Correct article usage
the violence
violence
Replace the word
violent
situation
in the past is not only caused by gender
but also
high
Change preposition
by high
conflict
of interest that could be happened to any Fix the agreement mistake
conflicts
gender
. For example
, Margareth Thatcher, Former Prime Minister of United
Kingdom, prefered to seize a territory through Correct article usage
the United
war
with Argentina than peaceful way. Add an article
the war
a war
Furthermore
, Aung San Suu Kyi, Former President of Myanmar, who
was not competent to control Correct pronoun usage
apply
internal
country Add an article
the internal
situation
, hence
there was coup
d'etat by Correct article usage
a coup
military
, as well as she let Add an article
the military
Rohingya
Conflict continue Correct article usage
the Rohingya
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
make
some Wrong verb form
making
her
people suffer. In fact that both are female leaders.
Change preposition
of her
Next
, there are some male leaders who can be role model
that Fix the agreement mistake
models
bring
peacefulness Change the verb form
brings
such
as Nelson Mandella and Mahatma Gandhi. Nelson Mandella, Former President of South Africa, who fight race
discrimination issue Correct article usage
the race
through
Change preposition
in
peaceful
way. Add an article
a peaceful
Furthermore
, Mahatma Gandhi, one of Add an article
the politic
a politic
politic
Replace the word
political
figure
in India, Fix the agreement mistake
figures
who
can lead Correct pronoun usage
apply
independence
of India and Correct article usage
the independence
also
highly support human rights without violence
.
To summarize, violence
happened
is not fully caused by Correct pronoun usage
that happened
gender
factor
. It is obvious thatFix the agreement mistake
factors
,
Remove the comma
apply
gender
has own
character. Correct pronoun usage
its own
However
, capability and leadership style are main
keys which can lead Correct article usage
the main
world
to be well-ordered and more peaceful.Add an article
the world
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