In the past, many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Many years ago,

world

Use synonyms

war

Use synonyms

occured

Correct your spelling

occurred

two

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two-phase

show examples

phase

Change to a plural noun

phases

show examples

where

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were

show examples

well-known as

Linking Words

first

Correct article usage

the first

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world

Use synonyms

war

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and

Linking Words

second

Correct article usage

the second

show examples

world

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war

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. In that

situation

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, each ally

consisting

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consists

show examples

of several countries

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

led

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are led

show examples

by male leaders. Considering

with

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apply

show examples

that

situation

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, some people argue that

women

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would be better to lead than men because

women

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can address a well-ordered and more peaceful

world

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. To my view, the argument is not able to be truly agreed

because

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upon because

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a great leader is not seen by

gender

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, while the capability that can make

leader

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a leader

show examples

a role model.

First

Linking Words

of all, it is obvious that

women

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and men have

own

Correct pronoun usage

their own

show examples

character. The argument

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show examples

the essay

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apply

show examples

might be supported by the fact that men always tend to act

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violence

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violently

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in some

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situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

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than

women

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However

Linking Words

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

the violence

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violence

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violent

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situation

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in the past is not only caused by

gender

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but

also

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high

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by high

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conflict

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conflicts

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of interest that could be happened to any

gender

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For example

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, Margareth Thatcher, Former Prime Minister of

United

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the United

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Kingdom, prefered to seize a territory through

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war

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the war

a war

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with Argentina than peaceful way.

Furthermore

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, Aung San Suu Kyi, Former President of Myanmar,

who

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apply

show examples

was not competent to control

internal

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the internal

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country

situation

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hence

Linking Words

there was

coup

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a coup

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d'etat by

military

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the military

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, as well as she let

Rohingya

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the Rohingya

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Conflict continue

that

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apply

show examples

make

Wrong verb form

making

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some

her

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of her

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people suffer. In fact that both are female leaders.

Linking Words

, there are some male leaders who can be role

model

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models

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that

bring

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brings

show examples

peacefulness

such

Linking Words

as Nelson Mandella and Mahatma Gandhi. Nelson Mandella, Former President of South Africa, who fight

race

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the race

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discrimination issue

through

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show examples

peaceful

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a peaceful

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way.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, Mahatma Gandhi, one of

Add an article

the politic

a politic

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politic

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political

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figure

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figures

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in India,

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can lead

independence

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the independence

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of India and

also

Linking Words

highly support human rights without

violence

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. To summarize,

violence

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happened

Correct pronoun usage

that happened

show examples

is not fully caused by

gender

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factor

Fix the agreement mistake

factors

show examples

. It is obvious that

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apply

show examples

gender

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has

own

Correct pronoun usage

its own

show examples

character.

However

Linking Words

, capability and leadership style are

main

Correct article usage

the main

show examples

keys which can lead

Use synonyms

world

Add an article

the world

show examples

to be well-ordered and more peaceful.

nohan.bhadrikaSat Apr 23 2022

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
47
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

male-dominated leadership
empathetic
cooperative
inclusive society
governance
diversity
sustainable peace
social welfare
collaborative approach
international relations
leadership qualities
decision-making processes

What to do next:

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In the past, many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Private car ownership has been increasing over the past few decades. This has given ordinary people greater mobility, but has also led to concerns about traffic congestion and air pollution. Do the advantages of private car ownership outweigh the disadvantages?

Some argue that all young children should be required to stay with full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. Do you agree or disagree?

Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all times. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Space exploration costs taxpayers an exorbitant amount of money each year. What are the advantages and disadvantage of spending money on space exploration?

Write a letter to your manager complaining about parking situation at work. In your letter, you should: describe the problems are explain why should solve the problems suggest how to solve the problems.