IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Workers often retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working as long as they want. What is your opinion on this?

#workers #age #people
as can be seen, people who are between the ages of 60 and 65 generally obtain to be retired in many countries because they come to their final years. with increasing ,age their health is slowing down so old individuals
catch
Change the verb form
catches
show examples
 any diseases. but some individuals think that they should continue working if they want to. On the one hand, entire retirees should retire to spend time with their families because people have to work hard to earn money
otherwise
 they have no chance to build their future. After working hard for a long time, they need to have a rest in a peaceful place where will be happy.
Thus
 they can live stress-free and extend their life.
On the other hand
, not every profession is the same. while some jobs need a healthy body, others need wisdom.
For instance
, the reduced reflex of pilots over the age of 65 could potentially risk the lives of hundreds of passengers, and
this
 is obviously a serious safety risk. whereas, the increased wisdom of writers over the life of 65 could cause them to be good writers.
thus
 all old humans should not work in certain professions. To sum up, individuals who want to continue jobs depending on both professions and age should make a decision about their vocation. humans generally make a living with a retired salary in many countries
such
 as America ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
unfortunately
Add a comma
,unfortunately
show examples
 humans who can not make a living with a retired salary have to work. life is not the same everywhere.
Submitted by ozbekibrahimcan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: