In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that government should have the responsibility. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays a
lot
of countries have the same
problem
and
this
is about obesity
children
Change preposition
in children
show examples
.Some individuals believe that
government
should solve
this
problem
because
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
is
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
responsible
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
issue. In my opinion
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
government
must put more entertainment in
schools
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
government
should put good places for bikes and there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
a
lot
of advertising
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV for using
bicycle
Add an article
a bicycle
the bicycle
show examples
in particular
when there are attractive
advertising
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
and places for bicycle
children
encourage to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.Despite parents
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
roul
Correct your spelling
role
and they tried to eat healthy
food
and avoid unhealthy
food
such
as chocolate, candy and chips.
Governments
have
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
important role in
this
way
due to the fact that
governments
should put a
lot
of entertainment in
schools
and
children
should have more time for exercise and other
phisical
Correct your spelling
physical
activities.
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
,
governments
must hold different races and give excellent awards for winners and I think
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
way
children
encourage to do more exercise or
phisical
Correct your spelling
physical
activity. Another reason why I think
governments
can solve
this
problem
is that they make
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
way
for
bike
Add an article
a bike
the bike
show examples
with
this
work
children
can go to school very easy without they have
estress
Correct your spelling
stress
.
In
particular
Add a comma
,particular
show examples
governments
must take high tax for
privacy
Replace the word
private
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
and they should increase the fare of public transportations.Despite the fact that
this
way
is not good for all
children
because some
children
are far from their
schools
and they need public transportations.
Ihold
Correct your spelling
I hold
Hold
firmly to the belief that
governments
should put healthy
food
in
schools
such
as
furits
Correct your spelling
fruits
, nuts and milk rather than chocolate and candy.They have to get used to
children
that eat healthy
food
in particular
when their parents give them some nutrition from their home.
However
,some parents can not do
this
work
because they have a
lot
of
work
.so
schools
should have healthy
food
and nutrition. To sum up,
governments
have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
effect to solve
this
problem
and they can
attractive
Replace the word
attract
show examples
children
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
different
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
and they do
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
work
who have
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
weight.
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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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