IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #aspects #lives #home #leisure #work #activities
Electronic devices are the predominating members of our families, who control our entertainment and homely and worksite actions.
Although
 the internet plays a vital role in the daily living of the population,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 negative impact of these modern technologies is ineffable to society.
Firstly
,
although
 the information technology facilitates face-to-face international communications via video calls, the after-effects of the exploitation of these facilities will lead to a lot of social issues in the community.
In addition
, several families are broken
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unwanted international relationships through social media, and the misinterpretation of new friendships among partners accelerates the divorce rate.
Hence
 One addicted to information technology must have self-control over its proper usage or fruitful management.
Secondly
, most adolescents are addicted to online games, many of which cause psychological issues.
Similarly
,
such
 groups will always try to spend their whole time on computers or mobile phones to get weak in their academic subjects, and lack of proper physical exercise results in health issues.
Moreover
, these activities will be highly expensive, and kids will start to steal money from their parents to achieve their dream games. On top of all these, few of the games have human controllers, which are terrific and make the participants end their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in danger. Henceforth, to confirm our kids' safety and avoid the influence of trespassers, access to online resources must be controlled by the parents. In conclusion, despite all the advantages of information technology to be considered, the unpleasant after-effects of internet usage outweigh these positives.
Submitted by vinuachudevan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are well-presented. Work on providing more supported main points to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You need to fully address the task prompt and ensure that your ideas are clearly and comprehensively presented. Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: