It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is generally argued by some that different types of social
media
Use synonyms
and friends’
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
affect the
children’s
Use synonyms
upbringings
Fix the agreement mistake
upbringing
show examples
. While some people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
’ role
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
profoundly
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
offspring's
personality
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the views but, in my opinion, the latter has
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
dramatic impact. On the one hand,
children’s
Use synonyms
mental and physical development is mainly affected by their surroundings. Many believe social
media
Use synonyms
and
peers’
Change noun form
peers
show examples
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
can shape kids’
Use synonyms
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
media
Use synonyms
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
like television and pop affect them. When they start watching it, not only see the fashion trend
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
adopt the same in their lives.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when little ones go out of their houses, they meet different people with different cultures and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. So, their
personality
Use synonyms
will be impressed.
For instance
Linking Words
, my niece desires to have clothes
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
as princesses in animations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
have a significant role in
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
of
children’s
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, when kids are born, they see their
parents
Use synonyms
from the very
first
Linking Words
second
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are just in
touching
Change the form of the verb
touch
show examples
with them and will copy their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
have always
argument
Replace the word
argued
show examples
together,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
then
Linking Words
children will learn and exhibit in facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others. So, in my perspective,
parents
Use synonyms
are more profoundly
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
character
Add an article
the character
show examples
of children in comparing to social
media
Use synonyms
and
peers’
Change noun form
peers
show examples
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. To sum
up
Add a comma
,up
show examples
the
children’s
Use synonyms
surroundings have
profound
Add an article
a profound
show examples
impact on their
personality
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
Correct article usage
the parent’s
show examples
parent’s
Fix the agreement mistake
parents’
show examples
role is more influential in
comparing
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
to social
media
Use synonyms
and friend
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
.
Submitted by Masud on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: