IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some businesses now say that no-one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#businesses #smoke #cigarettes #offices #governments #places
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There is no doubt that
people
Use synonyms
 should avoid the factors that
cause
Use synonyms
 problems in the workspace. Today, some trades and governments have been forbidding smoking in offices and public places. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because not smoking improves
people
Use synonyms
’s health and cleans the
air
Use synonyms
 in the workplace.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, the numbers of
people
Use synonyms
 who
smoke
Use synonyms
 have
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
over the years.
Although
Linking Words
 they are equipped with the knowledge of how
smoke
Use synonyms
 can harm the body,
people
Use synonyms
 have been choosing
Use synonyms
smoke
Fix the infinitive
to smoke
show examples
. Smoking
cause
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
heart attack and lots of
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
so it has been damaging everybody. I recall that my father’s friend died of a heart attack , he was smoking a lot. Doctors said the
cause
Use synonyms
 of his death was smoking too much.
Also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
people
Add the comma(s)
,people
show examples
that
Correct word choice
who
show examples
smoke
Use synonyms
 cigarettes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
are wasting their money , they can spend
this
Linking Words
 money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
entertainment and fun
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their families and themselves which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be important to improve
better
Add an article
the better
a better
show examples
 emotional
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, governments should promote
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
air
Use synonyms
 in place
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
 . Pollution in
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
is dangerous and cigarette
smoke
Use synonyms
 in public places is the worst. It
also
Linking Words
 affects all the
people
Use synonyms
 around those who
smoke
Use synonyms
 because when
people
Use synonyms
smoke
Use synonyms
 in public the
smoke
Use synonyms
 travels everywhere through the
air
Use synonyms
, and
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
negative effects of
this
Linking Words
smoke
Use synonyms
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 all living, breathing and
finally
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
harass others. If the current situation continues, the health of many
people
Use synonyms
 will remain in danger. In conclusion, by disallowing
people
Use synonyms
 who
smoke
Use synonyms
 from smoking in public,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
cause
Use synonyms
Add an article
the smoker
a smoker
show examples
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
show examples
 to smokeless, in good circumstances, improving
people
Use synonyms
’s health and
cleans
Wrong verb form
cleaning
show examples
Use synonyms
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
 in
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
.
Submitted by hooman_hz121 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • second-hand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • productivity
  • fire hazards
  • environmental advantages
  • aesthetics
  • non-smokers
  • personal freedom
  • well-being
  • smoking bans
What to do next:
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