IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some businesses now say that no-one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#businesses #smoke #cigarettes #offices #governments #places
There is no doubt that
people
 should avoid the factors that cause problems in the workspace. Some trades and governments have been forbidding smoking in offices and public places today. I strongly agree with
this
 view because not smoking improves
people
’s health and cleans the
air
 in the workplace.
First
 and foremost, the number of
people
 who
smoke
 has increased.
Although
 they are equipped with the knowledge of how
smoke
 can harm the body,
people
 have been choosing to
smoke
. Smoking causes heart attack and lots of diseases, damaging everybody. I recall that my father’s friend died of a heart attack; he was smoking a lot. Doctors said the cause of his death was smoking too much.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
people
 who
smoke
 cigarettes are wasting their money. They can spend
this
 money on entertainment and fun for their families and themselves, which can be essential to improve better emotional relationships.
Moreover
, governments should promote healthy
air
 in the workplace. Pollution in big cities is dangerous, and cigarette
smoke
 in public places is the worst. It
also
 affects all the
people
 around those who
smoke
 because when
people
smoke
 in public, the
smoke
 travels everywhere through the
air
. Negative effects of
this
smoke
 affect all living, breathing, and
finally
, it harasses others. If the current situation continues, the health of many
people
 will remain in danger. In conclusion, disallowing
people
 who
smoke
 from smoking in public will cause smokers to be smokeless, in good circumstances, improving
people
’s health and clean
air
 in public places.
Submitted by hooman_hz121 on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • second-hand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • productivity
  • fire hazards
  • environmental advantages
  • aesthetics
  • non-smokers
  • personal freedom
  • well-being
  • smoking bans
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