IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more people today are moving away from where their friends and family live. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #friends #trend
nowwdays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
,a lot of
people
 live far from their family and
firends
Correct your spelling
friends
.I believe that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of
this
 way can be more than its benefits.From my perspective,living alone have a lot of bad
thinges
Correct your spelling
things
 that we can not compensate for the damage done to our lives.
In
particular
Add a comma
,particular
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
people
 get more independence. One of the bad points about
far
Add a missing verb
being far
show examples
 from their family can be sickness.Some individuals can not accept alone for a long time and
theyy
Correct your spelling
they
the
 become weak.So,they get illnesses like depression and they do not happy like before.
Therefore
,
this
 problem is very bad for their life.
Desite
Correct your spelling
Despite
 some
people
,when they have
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 conditions they got more strong than before. Another
cons
Replace the adjective
con
show examples
 of
far
Add a missing verb
being far
show examples
 from their family and
firends
Correct your spelling
friends
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 that they forget space
lije
Correct your spelling
like
life
 family due to the fact that most of the time, they are alone.
In addition
, maybe they do not have successful
marrage
Correct your spelling
marriage
 because they have law age and are far from their parents and they can not use their experiences.
Furthermore
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think they become antisocial because they do not have
warm
Correct article usage
a warm
show examples
 space family.Despite the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they get
familiyar
Correct your spelling
familiar
 new
caulture
Correct your spelling
culture
 and improve their social.
However
,one of the pros
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 discussed
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
independence.When
theg
Correct your spelling
the
they
that
 are alone,they
learn
Add the particle
tolearn
show examples
 do
every
Correct quantifier usage
all
show examples
 their work and they get new skills.So,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
this
 is good for their life. To sum up,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that living alone is not good
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
far
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 all
people
 because some
people
 are not strong in terms of
moraland
Correct your spelling
moral and
 they are dependent
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their parents,
firends
Correct your spelling
friends
 and their living environment.So,they can not accept a lot of changes in their life and after some years they face more problems.personally,bad points
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 good points.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: