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Band 4

Emoplyers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#emoplyers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
The shown maps compare a public
park
 named Grange, which was built in 1920 and
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 status in the
precence
Correct your spelling
presence
 time. Over
this
 period of time, it is clear that there is a wide range of various renovations are done.
To begin
 with, in 1920,
park
Add an article
the park
show examples
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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had two entrances from Eldon and Arnold streets to the south and the north of the Grange. There were three rose gardens in
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
separate
 parts to the southwest,the northeast and the northwest of
park
Add an article
the park
show examples
.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 a fountain in the centre and a place for musicians just beside of fountain to the west of
park
Correct article usage
the park
show examples
 have been built.
Moreover
, there were some distinguish spots for sitting
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every side of the
park
.
Furthermore
, a Glasshouse and a pond for water plants were situated at the southeast and northeast of
this
 public
park
, respectively. In
redeveloped
Add an article
the redeveloped
a redeveloped
show examples
 version of the
park
, now everything has changed.
Firstly
,
this
 is an extra entrance to the southwest of the
park
, which is connected to the underground car
park
. The
musicians
Change to a genitive case
musician's
musicians'
show examples
 place for concerts is reconstructed
by
Change preposition
into
show examples
 an amphitheatre for concerts and these types of performances. One
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rose
Add an article
the rose
show examples
 garden is disturbed completely,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the other is demolished and a cafe is constructed there.
Also
,
pond
Add an article
the pond
a pond
show examples
is deteriorated
Change to the active voice
deteriorates
has deteriorated
show examples
 and an area for playing
children
Change preposition
with children
show examples
 is built. There is a water feature is set up
instead
 of Glasshouse and
fountain
Correct article usage
a fountain
show examples
 replaced with a new rose garden.
Finally
, all seats
remove
Change the form of the verb
removed
show examples
 from all parts of the
park
 and collected around the central rose garden.
Submitted by z.sheikhnajdi on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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