In many countries, an increasing crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in Computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

Although

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television and computer bring convenience and knowledge, they may bring disadvantages at the same time. Recently, a discussion has aroused wide concern. Some think that violent image

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with

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advanced techniques is the key to increasing

crime

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. Personally speaking, I partially agree with

this

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only and here are my reasons.

Body paragraph 1

On the

first

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hand, it is no doubt that violence is promoted via television or computer.

For example

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, lots of TV dramas which are related to murder, rape, or illegal trading have been released recently.

However

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, it has not been announced that these are only allowed for those above 18. As teens are pristine and as pure as a white paper, without good

guiding

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guidance

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and teaching, they may misfollow the wrong behaviours in the programmes.

Thus

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this

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attributes to the increase in

crime

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Body paragraph 2

Nevertheless

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, is that mean electrical techniques have the main role? It is definitely a 'no'. Education may play a more critical role. As mentioned previously, teenagers are pure and can easily be mistaught.

Hence

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, the teacher and parents

also

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have an important role in preventing

crime

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For example

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, when we are having history lessons about killing people in the ancient century, it is a must for us to mention the illegality.

Also

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, the penalty for committing crimes should

also

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be taught as a reminder. So,

crime

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can be prevented and decreased.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I partially agree

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with

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the issue as not only do techniques spread violence and

results

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result

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in an increase in

crime

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Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

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education attributes to

this

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summerlau71302

May 10, 2022

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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