IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility #individuals
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Introduction It
is argue
Change the verb form
is argued
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 that it is
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 responsibility to take action
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
prevention
Use synonyms
 while some
Use synonyms
people's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 opinion states that
people
Use synonyms
 should know how to protect themselves from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both mentioned views will be discussed. It is important that
government
Use synonyms
 must focus on
this
Linking Words
 problem because it is related to
people
Use synonyms
's daily life.
bureaucratic
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the bureaucratic
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 sector is the one which can issue
prevention
Use synonyms
 measures because of its authority. There is
long-term
Add an article
a long-term
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 solution that the sector could advocate. One is to support
educational
Add an article
the educational
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 system.
This
Linking Words
 is crucial because when a good education is provided to children,
this
Linking Words
 simple solution could sustainably prevent those young
people
Use synonyms
 from being bad
people
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is important that the problem of
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 must be focused
by
Change preposition
on by
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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. Even though the
government
Use synonyms
 fully supports
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
laws and penalties, in some situations,
people
Use synonyms
 still need to protect themselves from unexpected situations. Sometimes, when the populaces walk during the
night time
Correct your spelling
nighttime
show examples
, the cruel
people
Use synonyms
 are likely to
be appear
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appear
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anytime
Change preposition
at anytime
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
them in
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the methods of physical
preventing
Replace the word
prevention
show examples
 by themselves is
also
Linking Words
 crucial.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 institute profoundly plays
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 significant role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 criminal
prevention
Use synonyms
 because
this
Linking Words
 institute is the one which is able to teach
people
Use synonyms
 since they
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 young. As mentioned,
this
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 a long-term solution for
crime
Use synonyms
prevention
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should know how to protect
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
from criminals and reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 should deliberately focus on the problem of
crime
Use synonyms
 because it is directly related to social life.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should practice themselves from invasion because of unexpected
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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