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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Nowadays many young people choose to work in farming industry. Why do you think that is? How could young people be encouraged to work in this industry?

#people #work #industry
These days, many youngsters tend to choose to
work
 in
agricultural
Add an article
the agricultural
show examples
industry
. The essay will discuss the reason why they select the farming
industry
 and elaborate
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 could they be encouraged to
work
 in
this
industry
 following paragraphs before leading to a logical conclusion.
To begin
 with, there have brought about many problems
of
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with
show examples
 traditional farming methods because of
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
of
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in
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earth
Change noun form
earth's
show examples
temparature
Correct your spelling
temperature
. Governments have focused on
development
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the development
show examples
 of agricultural technology in order to deal with these issues, putting young employees
to
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in
show examples
farming
Add an article
the farming
show examples
industry
 in order to invent the latest technologies and
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
For example
, in Korea, nowadays, a myriad of universities have added majors in terms of agriculture and even announced that it would be prospective in the future. Regarding the benefits of working
from
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in
show examples
 the farming
industry
,
firstly
, individuals will be possible to live in much better quality
life
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of life
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 rather than
cities
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in cities
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, if they gain the same income
with
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as
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 people who live in metropolitans.
In addition
, the young can escape from a variety of pollution materials. To be specific,
for instance
,
wokers
Correct your spelling
workers
 related to agriculture often live in
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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, and in
turn
Add a comma
,turn
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 they do not suffer from health problems
such
 as noise or air pollution. To sum up,
although
 young people
work
 in
agriculture
Add an article
the agriculture
show examples
industry
 to change their conventional farming way due to
Correct your spelling
global warming
show examples
global-warming
Correct your spelling
global warming
show examples
, there are myriads of benefits for them to keep their
work
 continuously.
Submitted by mia01282 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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