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Band 4

Some people claim there are different ways of saving energy (electricity and gas), such as using energy for shorter period of time n the workplace and not using electricity, gas one day a week. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.

#people #energy #electricity #gas #period #time #n #workplace #week
Someone
deem
Change the verb form
deems
show examples
 that there are various methods to reduce the
use
 of
energy
.
For instance
, shorten electricity using time or do not
use
energy
 for a day per week.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my way of thinking, I
am not agree
Change the verb form
do not agree
show examples
 with
this
 statement. Undeniably, the above methods can save
energy
, but I am afraid that there are some practical problems when
execute
Change the verb form
executing
show examples
 the measures.
First
 of all, the usage of electricity in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 is depending on the environment. If your office is located in a high-rise building, it is hard to imagine
that
Correct word choice
apply
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people
 working
at
Change preposition
in
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 a dark place without air-conditioners. Most buildings
use
central
Correct article usage
a central
show examples
air-condition
Wrong verb form
air-conditioning
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 system to control
tempreture
Correct your spelling
temperature
 and humidity,
besides
, daylight is hard to get in mansions as well.
Thus
, As far as I
concerned
Add a missing verb
am concerned
show examples
, reducing time on using
energy
 is not practical in
urban
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an urban
the urban
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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, even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 is just a short period
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a day.
Moreover
,
people
 get used to
use
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using
show examples
energy
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, it is difficult to change someone's habit. Nowadays,
people
use
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 to work, watch television in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
 time,
cook
Correct word choice
and cook
show examples
 dinner every night. All of these need to
use
elevtricity
Correct your spelling
electricity
 or gas,
energy
Add a hyphen
energy-consuming
show examples
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 is
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 around us. It is impossible that
people
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
 nothing for a whole day.If a city cannot stop its function, it will fall
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a nightmare. In light of the aforementioned,
although
 the ideas of saving
engry
Correct your spelling
energy
angry
 are attractive, I still believed that it is not easy to cut
energy
 usage due to
enviormental
Correct your spelling
environmental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and the habit of
people
 consuming
energy
.
Submitted by kuru on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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