IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #opportunities #generation #companies #employees
According to some, organizations should encourage high-class employees to retire early in order to provide more job opportunities to young adults. From my point of view,
this
 strategy can be helpful for young job seekers, but it is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
company
. Since high-levelled
workers
 have valuable experiences, the
company
 should encourage them to stay. If seasoned
workers
 retire earlier, of ,
course
Add an article
the course
show examples
 more young generations can be hired.
However
, it is not always beneficial for the
company
. Senior
workers
 have extraordinary skills and experiences that new
workers
 do not have. Because some of them have worked for almost more than 20 or 30 decades, they are familiar with the day-to-day operations of the
company
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and become precious assets
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
company
.
As a result
, not only does their retirement mean the loss of
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
workers
, but it may bring about excessive loss for the
company
. Some argue that when a
company
 hire young people, it can save money as experienced
workers
’ salaries are much higher than youngsters’ ones.
For example
,
workers
 who work at the level of management are paid salaries that are treble than new
workers
 ones.
Although
this
 is true, the retirement of seasoned
workers
 causes
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of specialists that affects the revenue of the
company
.
Moreover
,
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
high-leveled
Change the spelling
high-levelled
show examples
workers
 retire, there are not enough experienced
workers
tho
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 train new
workers
. Without intensive monitoring and supervision, new
workers
 cannot train new skills. Gradually, the
company
 will lose both productivity and revenue. In conclusion,
although
 some assert that seniors should be retired in order to provide chances for young generations, I do not agree with
this
 assertion as their retirement means
devastating
Add an article
a devastating
show examples
 loss for the
company
.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: