IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

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According to some, organizations should encourage high-class employees to retire early in order to provide more job opportunities to young adults. From my point of view,
this
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 strategy can be helpful for young job seekers, but it is detrimental
for
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to
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 the
company
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. Since high-levelled
workers
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 have valuable experiences, the
company
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 should encourage them to stay. If seasoned
workers
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 retire earlier, of ,
course
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the course
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 more young generations can be hired.
However
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, it is not always beneficial for the
company
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. Senior
workers
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 have extraordinary skills and experiences that new
workers
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 do not have. Because some of them have worked for almost more than 20 or 30 decades, they are familiar with the day-to-day operations of the
company
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,
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apply
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 and become precious assets
for
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to
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 the
company
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.
As a result
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, not only does their retirement mean the loss of
skillful
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skilful
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workers
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, but it may bring about excessive loss for the
company
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. Some argue that when a
company
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 hire young people, it can save money as experienced
workers
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’ salaries are much higher than youngsters’ ones.
For example
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,
workers
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 who work at the level of management are paid salaries that are treble than new
workers
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 ones.
Although
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this
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 is true, the retirement of seasoned
workers
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 causes
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of specialists that affects the revenue of the
company
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.
Moreover
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,
is
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as
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high-leveled
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high-levelled
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workers
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 retire, there are not enough experienced
workers
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tho
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to
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 train new
workers
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. Without intensive monitoring and supervision, new
workers
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 cannot train new skills. Gradually, the
company
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 will lose both productivity and revenue. In conclusion,
although
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 some assert that seniors should be retired in order to provide chances for young generations, I do not agree with
this
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 assertion as their retirement means
devastating
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a devastating
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 loss for the
company
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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