IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Studies suggest that the rise in the consumption of junk foods is the major cause of obesity. Some people argue that this problem can be tackled to a great extent by increasing the price of these food items. Do you agree or disagree?

#studies #rise #consumption #junk #foods #obesity #people #price #food #items
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In many countries,
people
 prefer to eat fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 as no need to wait much time for their hunger.
From the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 studies state that
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in taking fast
food
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in the main role to become overweight. Some
people
 think that to solve
this
 problem by increasing the
food
 prices. I agree with the latter statement and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss my points of view. To start with, everybody wants to fulfil their hungry stomach within
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 period.
This
 is the main cause to consume
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 for
people
.
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
Fro
Correct your spelling
For
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 example, to compare with the numbers of
people
 who are taking
foods
 from the normal
food
 stalls and who are from
Macdonald
Change noun form
Macdonald's
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, the percentage of
people
 who like to eat
Change preposition
at Macdonald
show examples
Macdonald
Change noun form
Macdonald's
show examples
 is higher because of its taste and less time preparation. As a consequence,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 become getting fat and
increase
weight
Correct pronoun usage
their weight
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there are many ways to control obesity. The most significant method is to
increase
 the price of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
.
For instance
, the government authorities impose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective advocacy to participate in reducing
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
over weight
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
 and keeping records for
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of obesity by means of
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 price methods. It should be
review
Wrong verb form
reviewed
show examples
this
 record for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 improvement approach if
this
 method
is not get
Change the verb form
is not getting
show examples
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
. To sum up,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
foods
 are satisfied for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 hunger
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time
however
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 getting
weigh
Correct your spelling
weight
show examples
. Personally, if
increase
 the prices
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 junk
foods
 can handle some amount of obesity rate. The
people
 who prefer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fresh
food
 rather than fast
food
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will get
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in their well-being.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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