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Band 4.5

Some people believe famous people’s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems, Others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #people’s #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities
Nowadays, there is an opinion which considers that the
support
 from famous
people
 towards international
aid
 organizations is helpful for addressing the
problems
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 gaining more attention from the public.
However
, there is a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
people
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 not agree with
this
 opinion. From my perspective, I think the
support
 from famous
people
 can contribute a lot to
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
show examples
 with some
problems
. Given the huge influence of famous
people
, their
support
 will definitely be useful.
Firstly
, famous
people
 often have
considerable
Change the article
a considerable
the considerable
show examples
 number of fans who follow every action of their
ideos
Correct your spelling
ideas
videos
, which results that
once famous
Add a hyphen
once-famous
show examples
people
 claim to stand with one international
aid
organization
, their fans will take some actions,
for example
,
donate
Wrong verb form
donating
show examples
, to respond
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
ideo’s
Correct your spelling
video's
support
, that may enable
this
 international
aid
organization
 to gain more donations thereby increasing their investment in concerned
problems
.
Moreover
, as the raising of public attention, more mass media will follow the progress of
concerned
Replace the word
concerning
show examples
 issues, which is beneficial to strengthen the supervision of relevant
problems
.
However
, it is
also
 worth
to note
Change the verb form
noting
show examples
 that, if too many hits participate
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
concerned
Replace the word
concerning
show examples
 issues in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unserious way, the nature of their
support
 toward the international
aid
organization
 will be prone to
distort
Replace the word
distortion
show examples
 and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 will consider the concerned
isses
Correct your spelling
issues
 as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
entertainment activities or celebrities. In my opinion, it is a good thing if famous
people
 adopt a supportive attitude
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 an international
aid
organization
. Since the public attention
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is brought by famous
people
’s participation can generate extra pressure on
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 or relevant
adminstrative
Correct your spelling
administrative
 institutions. According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history,
this
 kind of pressure usually can push the public power to pay more
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
attentions
Correct your spelling
attention
show examples
 to the concerned issues and promote the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
 come out.
Submitted by w1274991789 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international aid organizations
  • draws attention
  • less important
  • famous people
  • celebrities
  • volunteer support
  • overshadow
  • dilute
  • sustainability
  • endorsement
  • genuine
  • advocacy
  • deeper understanding
  • engaged
  • informed base
  • committed
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