IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion on which side you favour.

#countries #laws #tobacco #buildings #offices #restaurants #intention #arguments #debate #conclusion #side #favour
Nowadays, Smoking cigarettes has been forbidden in public
places
, like restaurants and offices, in some countries.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, other countries prefer not
imposing
Change the verb form
to impose
show examples
laws
 against using tobacco in public buildings. Both sides of the
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
show examples
 will be discussed in
this
 essay. On the one hand, those who support the smoking ban
laws
 point to the disadvantages of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
second
 hand –
smoke
such
 as; asthma attacks, respiratory infections and sudden
infant’s
Change noun form
infant
show examples
 death. They claim that the effect of
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
 would cause more health problems
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 children and infants rather
adults
Correct word choice
than adults
show examples
.
Therefore
, respecting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the smoking
bans
Change the noun form
ban
show examples
laws
 could significantly reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smoking related
Add a hyphen
smoking-related
show examples
 disease.
Moreover
, the proponents of imposing
laws
 on
banned
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 smoking mention that smokers might lose other people’s
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 by smoking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tobacco in
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 because most people could not tolerate the hassle of breathing in a place full of
smoke
.
On the other hand
, regardless of all drawbacks
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
 been highlighted above, the opponents of smoking
bans
 refer to some problems which might cause
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
. As an example; when smoking is illegal in public
places
 like clubs or restaurants, they would seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
another place to
smoke
.
As a result
,
customer’s
Change noun form
customer
show examples
 rates would be decreased considerably.
Furthermore
, the critics of smoking
bans
 discuss the matter from other aspects. They believe that if people enforced to ban
smoking
Change preposition
on smoking
show examples
 in public
places
, they would be taken away their freedom and they would gradually prefer not to take part in events that
held
Add a missing verb
are held
show examples
 in public
places
. So it seems that it would cause frustration among them. Overall, I would tend to side with proponents of smoking
bans
. It seems to be reasonable to curtail
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smoking
tobacco
Change preposition
of tobacco
show examples
 in public
places
 to respect
individual’s
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals’
show examples
 right for considering
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
 lifestyle.
Although
 it might reduce the freedom of some people, it would be more logical to consider the community benefits.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: