IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

ending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

#criminals #prison #method #education #job
There are many different opinions on the best way to reduce
crime
. The traditional solution is to punish the
criminals
 by putting them in
prison
. Some hold the view that
education
 and job training are the long-term solutions to cut
crime
. In my opinion,
prison
 is the only answer in a few situations, but in most cases
education
, vocational training and rehabilitation are better.
Prison
 is the only answer in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
criminals
 who are a risk to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
such
 as murderers. They cannot be made to mix with society. Some
people
also
 say that
people
 would not be afraid of doing
crime
 if fear of imprisonment is not there. But I still feel that in
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of cases, we can do without
prisons
. In traditional
prisons
,
people
 learn a lot about
crime
 and so when they leave
prison
 they will commit even more
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
In other
words
Add a comma
,words
show examples
prisons
 act as universities of
crime
. So petty offenders like
shop-lifters
Correct your spelling
shoplifters
show examples
 and pick-pockets should be given some vocational training and
education
. It is a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 fact that the basic causes of
crime
 are poverty, illiteracy and unemployment. So, if we provide
education
 and job training
then
 we would be removing the causes of
crime
. If
criminals
 are rehabilitated by some form of employment
then
 they would certainly not re-offend.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prisons
 are expensive to maintain. The government can spend that money on other important matters
such
 as
education
 and healthcare.
This
 would ease some burden
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the government's shoulders. The petty and minor
criminals
 can
also
 be employed in some community service projects after providing
education
 and vocational training. Summing up, we should hate the
crime
 and not the criminal. To fight
crime
 we should focus on the causes of
crime
.
Education
 and job training help to rehabilitate the
criminals
. So,
people
 who commit less serious crimes should not be sent to
prison
.
Focus
Add an article
The focus
show examples
 should be on reforming them.
Submitted by theracevarsity on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Vocational training
  • Incarceration
  • Deterrent
  • Correctional facilities
  • Reformative justice
  • Social reentry
  • Ex-offender
  • Criminal justice system
  • Restorative practices
  • Penal system
  • Social marginalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: