IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It seems that many companies today are becoming much more concerned with profit than with the happiness of workers. How could companies take better care of their workers in the future? Give reasons to your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#companies #profit #happiness #workers #care #future
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In recent times, we have seen that most organizations are focused on maximising their profits and do not care about the
work
Use synonyms
-life balance of their staff.
This
Linking Words
 can make employees frustrated and decline their performance in the
longer
Correct word choice
long
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 run. There are several ways
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 which
companies
Use synonyms
 can move towards the betterment of their employees.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss concerns and possible solutions for
this
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 issue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most
companies
Use synonyms
 are now focused on increasing their performance and avoiding employees'
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
, they force each individual to contribute an extra hour to
work
Use synonyms
 which makes them less efficient as they cannot maintain a
work
Use synonyms
-life balance.
For example
Linking Words
, when a person is being forced to
work
Use synonyms
 for more hours than usual without their consent, they tend to feel irritated as they are cutting down that time for their personal hours.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when you spend less time at home, differences in the family occur which ultimately ruins one's happiness.
Hence
Linking Words
, when people do not enjoy their
work
Use synonyms
, they tend to be less efficient. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, there are various methods to improve the working culture in an organization
such
Linking Words
 as fixed working timings,
should
Verb problem
apply
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not
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
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 calls and meetings post working hours, provide flexibility for working from home.
For instance
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, during
covid
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 times we have seen IT firms switching their
work
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 from office to home and still continuing the same,
this
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 culture has provided flexibility in working time and
improving
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 the
work
Use synonyms
-life balance.
Additionally
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,
companies
Use synonyms
 should provide an adequate number of leaves so that they can enjoy their life too and get back to the office with full enthusiasm.
That is
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 why it is important to have a good working environment for
companies
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 staff's
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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.
To conclude
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, various large firms are focusing on profits and do not care about their employee's timings.
This
Linking Words
 can hamper individual personal life and company growth in future. There are certain steps which can be followed by firms to have happy staff
such
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 as fixing office timings, giving proper leaves.
Such
Linking Words
 methods can improve the
overall
Linking Words
 culture of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the work-place
show examples
work-place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
Submitted by mile.jasmeenkaur12 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and includes relevant ideas. However, you might want to expand on the examples to illustrate your points more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure each paragraph contributes cohesively to the overall argument.
task achievement
Expanding on your examples and providing more detailed evidence will strengthen your argument and reinforce your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a well-organized argument with a clear introduction and conclusion. The flow of ideas is logical and coherent, making your points easy to follow.
task achievement
You've addressed the task well by discussing the issue and suggesting possible solutions. Your ideas are clear and relevant to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employee wellness programs
  • flexible working hours
  • remote work options
  • work-life balance
  • professional development
  • training sessions
  • mentorship programs
  • feedback culture
  • competitive salaries
  • comprehensive health insurance
  • retirement plans
  • paid time off
  • positive workplace culture
  • team-building activities
  • diversity and inclusion
  • job satisfaction
  • financial security
  • mental health days
  • stress management workshops
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