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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think all university student should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #student #study #subjects #future #science #technology
Studying at the
university
 is a new format in education different from mandatory education in primary and secondary school. Some
people
 think all
university
 students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future,
such
 as those related to science and technology. In the following paragraph, I will discuss two different aspects and explain my opinion. On the one hand,
People
 think a
university
 must learn
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
doing
Verb problem
pursue
show examples
 a career. studying in
university
 as a road to go to work.
Firstly
, they
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 think
study in
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 basic content has already been allocated in school.
Secondly
, they
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 think studying in student interested subject nearly a hobby
such
 as playing a musical instrument or learning communication skills should
practice
Wrong verb form
be practised
show examples
 outside the
university
. So,
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 must teach only useful subjects.
On the other hand
,
People
 think a
university
 is a time to improve all skills that students expect and want to improve in
this
skill
.
Firstly
,
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 has a lot of expert personnel who can teach students in all logic studies.
Secondly
,
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a lot of money when learning outside so why not learn under the
free of charge
Add a hyphen
free-of-charge
show examples
 policy that was supported by the government
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Thirdly
, learning in
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 with
people
 of near ages has
pressure
Add an article
a pressure
show examples
 less than other outside private institutions. In my opinion, I tend to agree with the opinion in the third paragraph because we can learn
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 doing a career
together with
 improving another
skill
. In working time, We must have another
skill
 more than logic from the subject.
For example
, a Lawyer cannot have only law knowledge but
also
 should have communication
skill
 and negotiation skills
Submitted by first.kantapat on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is weak; there is a lack of coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion are not effectively presented. The main points need clearer support.
task achievement
The response is complete but lacks clarity and comprehensive ideas. More relevant specific examples are needed to support the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Motivation
  • Well-rounded education
  • Critical thinking
  • Job markets
  • Economic demand
  • Skilled workers
  • Practical application
  • Innovation
  • Societal progress
  • Passion
  • Pragmatism
  • Future job prospects
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