IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information ,such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and your opinion

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
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While some people argued that,
every one
Correct your spelling
everyone
show examples
 nominate for
a jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
jobs
a job
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to fill
the
Change preposition
out the
show examples
 forms which include the individual data. Namely their interests, hobbies and marital state, others say that
this
Linking Words
 is not always true, I completely agree with the
first
Linking Words
 view and in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will state the reasons for my view. On one side of the argument. There are reasons that some
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
 with asking managers of
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 which hired the employees about their individual life, due to the fact that
company 's
Correct article usage
the company 's
show examples
banks
Change to a genitive case
bank's
banks'
show examples
 information
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
hack
Wrong verb form
hacked
show examples
 by hackers. the hackers are able
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
this
Linking Words
 data to disuse
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stuff.
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hackers can hack
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bank account or personality interesting.
In addition
Linking Words
, some people have especially religious status and beliefs that they do not want anyone
know
Fix the infinitive
to know
show examples
 .
such
Linking Words
 as
Muslim
Change preposition
in Muslim
show examples
 countries
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 governmental companies can not
employee
Replace the word
employ
show examples
non- Muslims
Correct your spelling
non-Muslims
show examples
. Despite the above argument, I am of the view that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 asking employers from
job
Use synonyms
 seekers is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 method to know apart
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
characters of their employees
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because those questions help
mangers
Correct your spelling
managers
show examples
 to know
ambition
Correct article usage
the ambition
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 who wants to
apply
Add the preposition
forapply
show examples
 a new
job
Use synonyms
;
therefore
Linking Words
 ,being studied the filling forms by managers , can help them to allocate the empty
position
Use synonyms
 with employers characters. If the
person
Use synonyms
 works in
interested
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
position
Use synonyms
, it could elevate their productivity .
subsequently
Linking Words
 the environment work would become
more happy
Replace the words
happier
show examples
 to
any body
Correct your spelling
anybody
show examples
 .
For instance
Linking Words
, when I get a
job
Use synonyms
 related
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 my major , I was so satisfied and attempt to improve my knowledge to solve the problems of my company. I would like to close
this
Linking Words
 argument ,
although
Linking Words
 some human race
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
 with asking
job
Use synonyms
 seekers, they believe the companies data basses may be hacked and
Use synonyms
person
Replace the word
personal
show examples
 information
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 exposed by
hacker
Add an article
a hacker
the hacker
show examples
, in my
position
Use synonyms
 questions can help to employers to allocate the suitable
position
Use synonyms
 with employees characters. I recommended the companies should
protected
Change the verb form
protect
show examples
 the individual information
job
Use synonyms
 looking for
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: