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Writing Samples
Band 4

People’s shopping habits depend more on the age group that they belong to than any other factors. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people’s #habits #age #group #factors
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It is true that in
this
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 modernised world, most people are concerned about shopping. There are some individuals, who assume that buying habits are related to a personage. To my point of view, I strongly agree with
this
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 notion because of some evidence.
To begin
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 with, the shopping nature of elders and younger are different like the children prefer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bright colours but the adults take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fashion. To exemplify, the research conducted by the school in Britain, stated that when a person gets older, he likes simplicity because our mental power gets disturbed in old age without comforts. As a,result the buying hobby is dependent on the age group.
On the other hand
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, In adult
life
Add a comma
life,
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 we feel healthy and fit and
also
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 we want to attract others
that is
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 why we sometimes bear pain in order to express ourselves in a beautiful way.
Apart from
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this
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, at the age of 60,s and 70,
s
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people are mostly surrounded by some diseases because their bodies feel tired all the time.
For instance
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, In Japan their shopping stores for all ages are different especially for elders, from their point of view, they assume that simple things attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old ages. Because of
this
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, they advertise only simple products in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 stores. Taking everything into consideration, I believe that the person,
s
Correct your spelling
's
 shopping preference is more dependent on
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 group than any other factors because our mental growth likes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
simplicity in the old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
, in the adult group we care about
modernise
Wrong verb form
modernised
show examples
 culture because in that maturity we feel strong.
Submitted by ahmadgujjar48579 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • shopping habits
  • age group
  • generational differences
  • individual preferences
  • interests
  • socioeconomic factors
  • cultural influences
  • marketing strategies
  • advertising
  • online shopping
  • technology
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