IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#television #communication #friends #support
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Television
Use synonyms
 is flourishing by leaps and bounds and providing us with 24/7 entertainment services, which undoubtedly keep the majority of the
people
Use synonyms
 engaged in their spare time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, resulting in
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 time spent with relatives and friends.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Due to the latest launch of a new feature where you can talk to celebrities live has impacted the interaction with family.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Television
Use synonyms
 shows with poor content influence the person to behave in the same bad aggressive and distorted way with friends without even realising it. To embark with ,
Unfortunately
Add a comma
,Unfortunately
show examples
 the new feature of
Television
Use synonyms
 keeps the person busy interacting with
people
Use synonyms
 who really
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 matter in their life. Individuals begin to think that it is their real-world and
human
Correct word choice
that human
show examples
 being around them doesn't really matter anymore.
This
Linking Words
 is to say,
people
Use synonyms
 do not talk to their family and friend which ruins their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. To illustrate, a survey conducted by the University of Toronto, one of the famous universities for social services, showed a high percentage of divorce rates. Nowadays,
Television
Use synonyms
 shows are no longer useful and negatively impacts
people
Use synonyms
 with bad content which makes the person abusive and indulges in
neagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 feeling toward
people
Use synonyms
 around them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, leaving the relationship at the edge of breaking terms.
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted in Canada shows an increased rate of crime due to the destructive minds of
people
Use synonyms
. To Conclude,
Television
Use synonyms
 is indeed destroying the relationship due to its advancement and the harmful contents of shows.
Submitted by kartikay19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: